DEAR PRUDENCE
Dear Prudence: I always figured my hair stylist and I didn’t see eye-to-eye on political issues, but we kept our conversation to our personal lives, movies, and TV shows.
She’s a genuinely nice person and I’m certain she’s kind to everyone. Then I saw that recently on social media she attacked Nancy Pelosi when she got her hair cut. I just can’t go back to her as if nothing happened. I can’t go back at all.
Do I ghost her or tell her what I’m switching stylists? I don’t really want to make her feel bad, because she’s not a bad person. We just disagree.
— Politics and Pomade
Dear Politics and Pomade: I’m curious what made you figure that you two disagreed politically in the past but didn’t think was worth discussing!
What was it about this particular instance that pushed things over the edge for you? (One might argue it’s a relatively unimportant story in the grand scheme of things.)
But unless your hairdresser deployed unusually cruel language or used it as an excuse to dismiss something deeply important, her criticism of a powerful public figure for where and when she got her hair cut — especially when the critic is herself a hairdresser — isn’t outside of the realm of civil discourse.
That said, you’re perfectly entitled to dislike what she said, or how she said it, or why she chose to fix her attention on a politician’s haircut if she’s ignored other matters of public concern.
This woman has been your hair stylist for a few years, not your closest confidant, so you certainly don’t have to set up a heartfelt exit interview before scheduling your next appointment with someone else.
You owe it to your hairstylist to show up on time, tip well, and provide her with some hair to cut — not lifelong fealty. I’d encourage you to at least imagine what it might be like to say something to her, rather than disappear without a word. (She might be puzzled if you did.)
But making sure she doesn’t feel bad is not a sustainable goal, even in this relatively low-impact relationship. If you do talk to her, be polite, don’t overstate your case or lob unfounded accusations at her, but it’s not within your power to make sure she always feels good.
If you want to make it clear you think well of her generally, but strongly disagree with her latest social media post and believe what she said was wrong, just say that. Send questions to Dear Prudence, aka Slate’s Danny M. Lavery, at prudence@slate.com.