CAROLYN HAX

ADVICE WITH ATTITUDE & A GROUNDED SET OF VALUES

Dear Carolyn: I live alone, have a demanding job and probably get too many calories from wine and beer. What should I do to stop or cut back? Please don’t say just stop because if it were that easy, I would have done it. Thanks for any and all suggestions.

— Drinking Too Much

Dear Drinking Too Much: I wouldn’t just say “stop” even if you hadn’t asked me not to. That’s generally not the way people make big changes stick.

Smaller steps are more accessible and therefore more appealing, and more appealing (equals sign) more likely to succeed.

So, if you tend to come home, grab a drink, plop on the couch and watch TV, then maybe put your TV away or move it somewhere else. Put good books near the couch instead.

That has nothing to do with alcohol, yes — but breaking the pattern that’s easier to break will disrupt the consumption pattern as well.

Or, before you leave for work, put a yoga mat out. Coming home to it on the floor will increase the likelihood you actually use it.

Or, change the portion size of the alcohol have at home. Buy less, run out sooner and force the choice between going out to buy more or not having another.

Or, choose some productive activity to swap in every time you typically pour a drink. Can be a walk, a craft, a phone call to someone — or for someone, like phone banking for a cause — a fitness routine, a playlist you put on that gets you singing along.

I’m trotting all of these out just to give you choices. Focus on the one(s) with the highest percentage chance of working for you. One small, personally appealing routine-breaker. Start there. Add, subtract or replace as needed.

Last thing: You say this is a calorie problem, which implies it’s not an addiction problem, which means I’m taking you at your word in not treating this as an addiction.

Since not having an addiction and having an addiction but saying you don’t have one are virtually indistinguishable from each other in writing, I will be thorough and add that if the small-change-to-big-changes program is not enough to cut back your drinking, then it would make sense to start looking into treatment for problem drinking. Different things work for different people, but here are three possible places to start: individual counseling, a group or a conversation with your doctor about cessation programs they recommend.

Readers’ suggestions: n A good resource is rational recovery, a free online course that educates and help you recognize how addiction works and stop listening to your inner voice that tells you that you need a drink (when you really don’t). You don’t need to attend meetings or believe in aa or any other “philosophy,” but can quit drinking on your own if you learn how addiction to alcohol works and how to quit it. Website is rational.Org.

n For cutting back on calories, I make a wine spritzer, mixing my wine with sparkling water. That cuts the calories in half and doesn’t take away from my enjoyment. On the beer side, maybe a lighter one.

n Have a flavored seltzer water, then a beer. The water won’t hurt.