CAROLYN HAX

ADVICE WITH ATTITUDE & A GROUNDED SET OF VALUES

Dear Carolyn: I’m a scout troop leader with another parent. We both work fulltime, as do many of the other troop parents. We have asked these parents to help with activities but are not getting much of a response. We gave a big speech at the beginning about how every parent needs to help, but we can’t really kick children out because their parent isn’t helping. I’ve tried group pleas and directed pleas to no avail. I’m getting burned out. Any suggestions short of quitting? I think if I don’t do it, no one will, and my child really likes scouting.

— Tired Of Free-Riders

Dear Tired Of Free-Riders: You either do all the work, you dial back the work, you delegate the work or you resign the position. There are no magic choices.

You and your co-leader can certainly break down activities into specific tasks, post sign-up sheets and say each activity happens only when you reach X volunteers — so either people pick up some assignments or the troop basically folds.

And you can contact the scout organization’s mothership for guidance, since surely this is common, and you can check for troops in neighboring towns.

But really what you face is a cost-benefit analysis of your child’s scouting experience.

Readers are here to help:

“At the beginning of the year I poll all the parents and ask who would be willing to help and how: meeting helpers, cookie sale helpers, camping trip helpers, miscellaneous. That’s when people are pretty open to signing up in some capacity. Then, I assign people specific responsibilities in line with what they offered, and if they can’t make it, then they are responsible for finding someone who can.”

“You also can institute a parental volunteering requirement. My daughter’s troop requires parents to commit to 4 “points” of service per year. Chaperoning earns 1 point, going on a camping trip earns 3, etc.”

“I am one of the free-riders (figuratively). I am a single parent of two kids. I have a full and part-time job. Our troop leaders portioned out the work in very small tasks. That made it easy for me to pick one or two things (working one booth, sending a few emails, etc.) to do at a time. I am eternally grateful, by the way, that you and others have stepped up.”

“I cheerfully posted a signup sheet and said, ‘Each of you is responsible for one meeting. It can be your house or the library or whatever, but you’re responsible for arranging it.’ Each of my families took one meeting, figured out where it was going to be, worked out snacks and parking, etc. That got me through the last two years with a lot less frustration.”

“Are you my scout leader? You could be. I have my reasons for not helping out: I don’t like kids.

“Love mine, tolerate their friends in very small groups, but more than four stress me out no end and I get mean/bossy. Is there something else I can do to help you? Need research? Reservations made? Call me.

“But truly, you don’t want me yelling at the scouts to sit down and shut the erf up. Sorry. And thank you for what you do.”

Thanks, everybody. Self-awareness is a beautiful thing.