DEAR PRUDENCE
Dear Prudence: I have a terribly embarrassing dilemma. During lockdown the last year, I got into the habit of only flushing solid waste. I go often enough that this is not that gross. My boss and I are the only ones who use the bathroom. Should I apologize to her and explain, or never mention it again?
—If It’s Yellow, Let It Mellow
Dear Mellow: Never mention it again. It’s pee in a toilet. It’s one of those things that we all see all the time but have agreed collectively to not discuss, especially not at work. Yes, someone else’s pee is a little gross, but I bet it’s really not a big deal to her. Even if the pee is a big deal to her, it will certainly be a bigger deal if you rope her into a conversation about your pee.
Dear Prudence: I have been happily married to my wife for 20 years. I met her when she was in grad school. I’m a decade older than her and was working a successful career when we met. We hit it off right away and were married 18 months later. We have two kids and it has been a wonderful, mutually caring, supportive, loving relationship.
Recently, my wife began talking in glowing terms about “John,” a new male colleague. I thought nothing about it, but then discovered they had been texting frequently outside work hours, and not always about work. I asked her about it and she said it was just work-related inside jokes, funny memes, etc. A few weeks later, we had a casual conversation with my in-laws about buying a vacation property. My wife got excited and immediately started texting John about the possibility of buying the vacation home so that John and his wife could vacation with us. I asked point blank (but calmly) if she was having a physical or emotional affair with John. She denied it and said she understood why I was upset and that she should have talked to me further about the vacation home before discussing it with anyone else. I believe her.
I don’t believe she is having a physical affair, but I remain worried she has slipped, or is slipping, into an emotional affair. Am I overreacting? Should I just take her at her word?
—Is She Having an Emotional Affair?
Dear Emotional Affair: Your wife is allowed to have a male friend with whom she discusses her mental health, real estate, and the like. Whether or not that crosses into “emotional affair” territory is pretty subjective, and asking “are you having an emotional affair?” is pushing for an admission or denial of guilt. I suspect using the term with her point blank dramatically raises the stakes of a conversation in a way that is not helpful.