DEAR PRUDENCE

Dear Prudence: I’m writing in for advice on how “far” to take assistance when the person you’re trying to help refuses more help.

My husband and I were on our daily walk and I saw an elderly gentleman sitting in his driveway. I watched him a bit and he was sitting upright, but I noticed a cane on the ground and out of reach.

When I approached him with a “Sir, can we assist you?”, he was slightly hesitant but eventually allowed us to hoist him to his feet and hand him his cane. Then I saw blood on his pants and asked him whether we could help him inside and if he had someone for us to call.

He pretty forcefully refused us (“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine,” etc.) and we walked very slowly away, while making sure he made it up his front stairs and into his home.

At this point, I am worried. I want to call for a wellness check or go back to make sure he’s OK. He was very elderly, very thin, and his movements were shaky. But on the other hand, he was not super enthusiastic about the initial assistance and pretty firm about us going away.

What is the correct thing to do in this situation? Respect his wishes as an adult? Or intrude a bit to make sure a stubborn human is OK?

— I’m Stubborn, Too

Dear Stubborn, Too: Your concern is kind and understandable, but I think you have to take him at his word. He is elderly but that doesn’t mean that he’s not adult, and he made his wishes clear — he doesn’t want additional help, for whatever reason.

Maybe he has a strong support system that just wasn’t there with him on that driveway, maybe he was embarrassed and doesn’t want further embarrassment, maybe it looked worse than it was. Whatever his reasons, you have to respect them.

While you’re a kind stranger, you’re still a stranger, so intruding further, even sending a wellness visit, may do more harm than good. This older man may not want a police officer showing up at his door, asking him about his capacity. That might be a scary experience.

As you go on your daily walks, you can keep an eye out for him to say hello, if you want. But you should otherwise leave him be for now.

Slate’s R. Eric Thomas is filling in as Dear Prudence while Jenée Desmond-Harris is on parental leave. Submit questions at slate.com/prudie. Got a burning question? He’ll be online to chat with readers every Monday at 9 a.m. Send your questions before or during the live discussion.