CAROLYN HAX

Hi, Carolyn! After I had my son, I left teaching to be home with him. He’s now 6 and I’m getting the itch to go back.

The problem is that it would be a seismic shift in our lives. My husband works long hours and isn’t home for dinner during the week. He didn’t travel for work during the pandemic but that is picking up again.

I love staying home with our son. Now that’s he’s returned to school, my days are kind of quiet, which I enjoy, but sometimes it gets lonely. If I went back to work, he would have to spend time in aftercare and he is a real homebody. My husband supports my return to teaching but also reminded me that it would essentially be a hobby. My ego is feeling pretty hurt right now.

— Feeling Lost At Home

Teach, a HOBBY? What stunningly contemptuous thing to say. Wow. I’m sorry.

If that was somehow his way of saying that you would be working only to pay for your son’s care, then I’ll put my head back on and try to work with that. Because I do see the issue in that.

Except, no, I don’t: Work isn’t just about money, and a career like teaching is one of the ultimate examples of that. It’s a paycheck for work but also for being part of a community, shaping the future, satisfying our ache for purpose, and experiencing the joy of seeing the world through a child’s eyes.

It’s also specialized, exhausting, sometimes demoralizing work — and, may all the deities help us, even lethal — so people do get paid for it. Yeah.

But if you want to do this for you, then, great — getting paid for it makes it at least revenue-neutral for your family. Which is not the same things as a freaking HOBBY.

This would be true of any work that fulfills you, no higher purpose necessary. And if you’re uncomfortable with the aftercare, or if your son is, then consider home care after school, like a nanny share, or a job that allows you to finish when he does (more/most of the time), or choosing a program that he loves, or or or. There are choices. There are variations. There are possibilities to explore in follow-up conversations with your husband. There are no reasons to let the word “hobby” stand.