DEAR PRUDENCE

Dear Prudence: My husband and I are in our 40s and about a year ago, a house down the block sold, and “Ellie” and “Oliver” moved in. They are a lovely couple in their late 30s, and we have become friends, as much as we can with COVID still around.

Here’s the problem. Traveling is a big love of ours, and we have slowly been taking small trips to get away and are planning a big trip to Hawaii at the end of next year. When Ellie and Oliver found out about these trips they were very excited, asking a ton of questions and being really engaged. However, when they learned of our Hawaii trip, they instantly said that we should all go together, because Ellie has family there and they would give us the best information on what to see and do.

While this is lovely in theory, I am extremely hesitant. I know from experience that traveling with someone can make or break a relationship. They seem to be the kind of people who are very loose with their plans, as in, if they stay all day in a hotel room ordering room service, that is fine by them. On the other hand, I plan trips carefully in order to get the maximum out of them, because generally I assume it will be the only time I will ever be there, and I don’t want to waste a single minute!

I don’t want to seem rude, and I also do not want to lose this friendship, as I know how hard it is to make friends as adults. But I really don’t want to “test the waters” and find out we are all incompatible and everyone is mad at each other during the trip. What do I do?

— Help With Traveling Companions

Dear Help With Traveling Companions: Hawaii is quite the destination for a couples trip with people you’ve only known for about a year. I’m nervous for you. I think it’s totally acceptable to tell Ellie and Oliver that Hawaii seems like a big lift for a first outing. You can even point out that this will be your first big trip with your husband after years of not being able to get away and you’d like it to be special. Between you and me, Ellie’s offer to be a local tour guide is very kind and might help you avoid some of the predatory tourism that most Hawaiians have been decrying for a while. But letting someone else have input on your vacation itinerary seems like a recipe for trouble. Instead of this big voyage, suggest that you all take a smaller trip together, if you want. Maybe a weekend, someplace you can get back by car. Travel friends are wonderful to have, but you certainly don’t want to go rushing into a new relationship of that sort without proper planning.