DEAR PRUDENCE

Dear Prudence: I comfortably live in an area with a very high cost of living. My older two nieces came to stay with me after college while they were trying to figure out their places in the world. Their “rent” went into savings so they could start out with a bit of a nest egg. They were expected to clean and to pay for their own food. We didn’t have a problem, and they both went on to have successful adult lives.

Their brother is another story altogether. He basically coasted through high school and then failed to do anything. No job, no interest in education, no interest in anything but video games — he hasn’t even gotten his driver’s license yet. He is 22.

My sister has babied him his entire life. My brother-in-law is at the end of his rope and demanding something be done.

My sister thinks that sending him my way for a change of scenery will inspire him. She says it is only “fair” that I help my nephew, as I did my nieces.

My sympathy has limits. My nephew refuses to see a doctor so any root cause like depression is not being addressed.

My sister has offered to pay me until her son gets settled, but I am not willing to live with a lump lounging in my living room playing video games night and day.

How do I have this discussion with my sister?

—Not a Launch Pad

Dear Launch Pad: Your sister’s belief that you are obligated, in some way, to put up her children in the big city is ridiculous, of course. You are not! If you do not want to host a third of your sister’s children, rent-free, for some indeterminate amount of time, that is totally fine.

But I would not expect your sister to respond well if your stated reason is that her daughters were cool but her son sucks. And if you really enjoyed the company of those young women, and were pleased to be part of their young-adult lives, I’d remind you that you don’t really know that much about their younger brother or what he would actually be like as a houseguest.

Maybe he would be a lump. Or maybe he would in fact find the city (I’m assuming) a welcome change in his life.

There’s every chance you might similarly enjoy building a relationship with this young man and helping him along his way.

Or maybe you are not interested in the hassle! If that’s the case, a simple “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t host your son right now” will suffice.

—Prudie, hospitably