Mothering on Mother’s Day is enough
“Oh my gosh, it’s almost Mother’s Day!” my daughter says, a trace of dismay in her voice. “What would you like for Mother’s Day?”
I touch her belly, which is almost nine months pregnant.
“You’re already giving me a present,” I say.
Sounds trite, I know, but it’s totally true. What better gift to a mother, and to the world, than a new baby? A baby is the gift that keeps on giving. I admit that traditional Mother’s Day gifts have never really appealed to me. My heart is filled to the brim as long as I can claim happy and healthy children and grandchildren. What could be better? Well, maybe a necklace made of dyed macaroni shells. And maybe a mimosa.
This Mother’s Day, in fact for the entire month of May, I am camped at my daughter’s house as she expects her second child any day now. I am mostly going to be on duty to care for my 2-year-old granddaughter, aka the big sister, while her mother and father will bring home a new baby, aka the little sister.
My granddaughter tells me that there is a baby in her mother’s giant belly, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t understand the way this tiny being is going to rock her world.
“Every baby brings its own love into the world,” my grandmother used to say. She was right. But sharing your mom and dad is a hard lesson to learn.
So I’m here to help. We’ll make this new situation work. Being a grandma is different from being a mother, in that the reduction in your maternal authority is in direct proportion to the increase in your grandmotherly enchantment. You can hardly believe that the baby you had those distant years ago — years that sometimes seem like a mere eyeblink of your life — is now a grown-up mothering her own babies. It is preposterous. It is magical.
You do need to remember to stay perched on the grandma branch on the family tree. It can be a delicate walk among eggshells when your opinions on birth or childrearing differ from your daughter’s, but since she is the actual mother of your grandchild, you are wise to measure your words. If you’re humble, you may even learn something new.
A mother’s mind, like her uterus, has to be able to stretch.
My daughter moves slowly as we count down the days to birth. She is a ripe melon.
“How did you get anything done when you were this pregnant and had other kids?” she asks me.
I don’t really remember. Part of being a mom is just doing what you have to do in the next five minutes. I must have gotten things done back then, but I only remember not being able to reach down to tie my own shoes. I tell her that once this baby is born, she’ll forget the trials of pregnancy, too. She’ll move to the rhythm of her growing family. She’ll do whatever needs to be done.
Every Mother’s Day is different because of the profound and small ways our lives can change in one year. We mothers surely enjoy this day of annual recognition and possible pampering, but let me, a representative mother, take this year’s celebration to remind all of you children out there, from newborn to grown, that what we really love is being a mother. Being your mother. Brunch is lovely, but if all we ever got was a heartfelt hug from you, beloved beautiful child, that would be enough.
I hope this Mother’s Day message of gratitude will help you understand how completely we adore you, that no matter what you may have put us through, from birth to adulthood, we would do it all again, because of this one unbelievable privilege: We get to be your mother.
You have given us joy and worry and everything in between, all held together with the holy glue of pure love. When you have a child, if you ever have a child, you will know what we mean. For now we just know that the best Mother’s Day present is you.