It’s the little things that make family memories: Part II
Holidays
Like me, everyone I know loves to open Christmas presents.
My oldest sister, Anita and her children, have the tradition of making their own handmade gifts. Anita, who had a stroke at 40, can still sew with her right hand. She proudly told me, “One year, I embroidered seven large table cloths for my children.”
Like Anita’s family, my brother, David and Millie, and their six girls, do the same. After regular gifts are opened, the handmade “sister gifts” and Mom’s are handed out. They vary from Christmas ornaments, poems, pillows, etc.
My tradition of gifting my children and now my grandchildren started out as a surprise to me. One year, along with the usual cash gift, I gave calendars. Next year, I decided to buy something else for them. I was asked, “Where are the calendars?” Thus, a tradition started - with calendars.
My nephew, Gary and Leah, made their kids work for their Christmas gifts. They made up a series of clues - riddles that they’d need to solve to get the next clue (another riddle) to find the next and so on. Eventually, the children found their special presents hidden in the house. They looked forward to finding their gifts.
I was totally in awe of the large Christmas gatherings of two of my Red Hatters.
Ellie’s family of 30 meets during the Christmas season at the home of one of the three siblings. The siblings’ children, if they are married and have a home of their own, that generation takes a turn. Everyone brings a covered dish, while the host/hostess provides the drinks. They play a game called “crazy gifts” and when the music stops they are allowed to open the gifts. Two “special” gifts, usually found in the attic, appear every year their Mom’s beaded purse and a Christmas ornament with Ellie’s photo (the joke is, growing up, Ellie didn’t have many friends because too many photos were laying around the house).
My other Red Hatter, Cindy and family, average 90 to 120 at their Christmas gathering. There were nine children originally, but five are still living. Since there are so many, a hall is rented for the occasion. It used to be held at the grandparents’ farm. Nowadays the aunts and uncles “sit it out,” while the next generation takes over the cooking. A full-course traditional meal - ham, turkey, filling, etc. - is served. Of course, there is Santa’s visit with gifts for children under the age of 12 (there is also a summer reunion).
My brother, David, always hid the Eater baskets for his six girls - easy places for the younger ones and harder places as they grew older. As adults, David gave them tulips, or money to buy one, if they lived too far away.
My friend, Sandy, and family of 30, switched roles. A few years ago, the kids started hiding the Easter eggs and the adults have to find them. Sandy says, “Adults have as much fun as the children!”
Death
Although not as pleasant, at some point in our lives, we face the death of a loved one. Other than visiting the cemetery, I found some great ways people remember their loved ones.
I was told Pop always played Santa when we were children. I don’t recall this event ever. But, I do recall Pop playing Santa when I was 40 years old. Pop had a stroke in his 80s. Gladys had her traditional sisters’ birthday party at our parents home (at this time, we were helping Mom take care of Pop). Gladys surprised us by getting Pop into a Santa suit. All six of us daughters got to sit on his lap. A photo was taken of Pop that night. This is the photo I set out in the living room each Christmas to remember him.
When my niece, Bev, still lived at home, her Grammy visited at holidays and birthdays. Bev said, “Every time she visited she’d bring a can of Planters Peanuts, open it and set it on the table saying, ‘Nuts for the nuts!’ We’d always laugh. When she passed away, one of us would take Planters Peanuts to every family dinner and say, ‘Nuts for the nuts!’ Silly, but a fun way to remember her.”
Before my brother, David, died, his daughter Elizabeth bought her parents the Pennsylvania Dutch version of “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Since the death, each Christmas Eve, the families gather in the family room and one of the grandchildren reads the poem in dialect to remember their father and grandfather.
Linda, my neighbor, places a battery operated candle in her yard on her mother’s death date. She lets it out all day and into the night.
Millie, my sister-in-law, has a different way to remember family - husband, parent, aunts and uncles - on each year’s new calendar. Every year, she carries forward the death dates of family members.
Since four of my sisters have now passed on, I remember them by making a puzzle during the winter months. Prior to any one of us passing, a nephew gave us a puzzle of the six of us.
When reading this, you’ll find we don’t need a preordained date to celebrate family. Just make the time to do something - yearly, monthly, weekly - with your family. This is how you build a deep sense of connection. You’re going to find family memories are made by those “little things” you do together.