Good looks are kind to the mirror and the bottom line

We’ve all heard again and again that you can’t judge a book by looking at the cover.

Maybe not. But we all do. We can’t help ourselves. We’re human beings. By definition we’re superficial and shallow when it comes to the matter of good looks.

Try as we might, we lack the proper gravitas in truly grasping that beauty is only skin deep. Which is why a splendidly plumed bird always will grab our attention more than a squirrel. And why we remain suckers for a charismatic sun-kissed profile.

We all know that if you’re beautiful, the odds are good that your life won’t be dismal.

The marquee gorgeous in our realm usually are programmed for the good life … unless, of course, their excesses and vanity turn them into train wrecks. But that’s another sociological tale for another day.

Research indicates that attractive people likely will be wealthier than their ugly-to-the-bone brethren. We all inevitably are creatures of our DNA. If you are featureless as the wind, good luck. If you’re more hunk than lunk, send your parents a thank-you note.

It’s not a revelation to me that life is inherently unfair. I found that out years ago when I couldn’t hit a baseball like Mickey Mantle, throw a football like Johnny Unitas or drive a golf ball like Arnold Palmer.

Various studies (why aren’t these folks studying how to cure cancer?) show that good-looking people charm interviewers, get hired faster, are more likely to make more sales and get more raises. Attractive people are likely to earn an average of 3 percent to 4 percent more than a person with belowaverage looks.

Alas, scorekeeping is an interpretive art.

Psychologists call it the beauty premium.

There is more to the equation than good looks. Not only do attractive people sparkle like fireworks in a catacomb, they don’t flinch in the white gauze of the spotlight.

Good looks and selfconfidence ride in tandem. Coupled with their looks, their self-esteem makes them even more desirable to employers and makes them higherpaid employees. The sparkle of one’s personality turbocharged by luminescent looks increases earnings, assuming the person can string together a cognitive thought or two.

Granted, all generalizations have their fissures and flaws. For instance, 30 percent of CEOs are 6-2 or taller while only 3.9 percent of American men stand that high.

Well, such odds didn’t translate into my life. I was 6-2 for most of my adult life (somehow the burdens of the world have shrunk me to 6-0), and I’m not even CEO of my own household (just ask my wife, who checks in at a diminutive 5-4).

I guess there are tall guys such as me who just don’t have a commanding presence. I guess it would help if I had a 32-inch waist and a head of hair full enough to sprout from a romance novel cover.

If you grimace whenever you look in the mirror, chances are you live a life of meager entitlements unless you possess a notable and marketable skill, i.e., rock guitarist or drummer.

I’m not a proponent of predestination, but sometimes it does seem that what happens in the womb trails us like a timber wolf until we reach the tomb.

Nevertheless, I’m determined to go out on top. While my lack of looks may have doomed me to be a poor man instead of a rich man, I’m saving my pennies so I can be attired in a snappy cream-colored suit at my viewing.