Jan­uary set­tles over us like a shroud and smoth­ers us

The Boyertown Area Times - - OPINION - By Mike Zielin­ski

Jan­uary, at least to me, is the worst month of the year. In­deed, it’s the ul­ti­mate meh month.

In fact, Jan­uary ba­si­cally is an ap­pen­dix burst of bil­ious dis­il­lu­sion­ment.

It be­gins with a hang­over, our voices coarse and lit­tered with hol­i­day par­ties’ residue. And it’s all down­hill from there.

For in­stance, it’s al­ways cold, mis­er­able and ei­ther gray or dark. And there sim­ply is no magic float­ing in the air. If the months of the year were a col­or­ing book, Jan­uary would be de­void of vivid col­ors.

Granted, Fe­bru­ary is a lousy mouth as well but at least it is shorter than Jan­uary and has the Su­per Bowl and Valentine’s Day on its cal­en­dar.

Jan­uary is a drag be­cause we have the post-hol­i­day blues, we’re broke af­ter spend­ing too much on Christ­mas, we’re di­et­ing, we’re sad­dled with New Year’s res­o­lu­tions, we’re go­ing to the gym, we’re sneez­ing and cough­ing our lungs up, we’re so over win­ter, and we’re grouch­ier than Os­car.

Jan­uary is bor­ing as well. No­body seems to party. Peo­ple in­stead hun­ker down at home, mo­rose and re­mote in their pa­ja­mas as de­pres­sion spreads in their stom­achs like wet ce­ment.

Af­ter all, who wants to ven­ture out­side and walk bent over into the wicked wind as though we want to break our­selves in half but can­not?

Even Don­ald Trump has had trou­ble at­tract­ing top stars to per­form at his in­au­gu­ra­tion. I’m not sure if that has any­thing to do with pol­i­tics or that fewer peo­ple go out in Jan­uary.

Of course, hav­ing Trump as­sume the pres­i­dency will give this Jan­uary some pop -- good and/or bad.

To un­der­score how bad Jan­uary is, it houses Blue Mon­day -the third Mon­day of Jan­uary. It re­port­edly is the most de­press­ing day of the year.

Ap­par­ently Blue Mon­day is over­pop­u­lated with snip­ping lit­tle ter­rors that are a psy­chi­atric goldfield. Sounds like a good day to sleep in and go to bed early.

I don’t mean to pile on, but sta­tis­ti­cally Jan­uary is the most preva­lent month for breakups. Cou­ples call it quits be­cause of post-Christ­mas stress, want­ing a fresh start in the New Year, fi­nan­cial prob­lems, fam­ily pres­sures, and ex­chang­ing gun­fire daily over who gets stuck walk­ing the dog in de­press­ing weather.

Jan­uary also is when those of us who don’t wait un­til April 14 to start pre­par­ing our taxes be­gin gath­er­ing our fi­nan­cial data and dig­ging for busi­ness ex­pense re­ceipts in restau­rant dump­sters. How de­press­ing is that.

No won­der by the time we get through Jan­uary, we all feel as if we’ve been worked over with a tire iron.

Our jour­ney through the month may not be quite as har­row­ing as Napoleon’s dis­as­trous re­treat from Moscow.

But it’s close.

For in­stance, it’s al­ways cold, mis­er­able and ei­ther gray or dark. And there sim­ply is no magic float­ing in the air. If the months of the year were a col­or­ing book, Jan­uary would be de­void of vivid col­ors.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.