ASK AMY Their friends’ PDA grosses out couple

DearAmy: My wife and I have been happily married for over 20 years. We have a question about howto handle an issuewith some friends of ours. “Jake” is 56 and “Lucy” is 52. My wife and I are 50 and 53.

Both Jake and Lucy are getting divorced after having been married to their exes for over 25 years each.

Jake and Lucy have been dating for a couple of months now. They are very into each other. My wife and I think this is great, but we are both uncomfortable with their behavior.

Lucy shares far too many intimate details with my wife about her sex life. My wife says it makes her feel uneasy. Jake does the same thing with me, but to amuch lesser degree.

Another problem is that they are all over each other like slutty teenagers in public. It gets evenworse when the four of us are hanging out in our backyard

We totally support public displays of affection when done with class, but we drawthe line at borderline sex acts in our kitchen right in front of us— when the four of us are conversing over a bottle of wine. PDAs should always be classy, and not gross and slutty.

Do you have any advice on howto politely ask Jake and Lucy to cut out the pornography and set some limits on what are appropriate actions when they are in our presence?

— Blinded by the Sight

I’m not sure what kind of PDA you consider “classy” versus “slutty,” but I’m going to guess that even though it’s

Dear Blinded:

hard to define, you knowit when you see it.

It is common to overshare when you’re in the beginning stages of a compelling emotional/sexual relationship, whether you are a teenager or a middleage divorcee. And the problem with couples behaving thisway publicly is that it completely excludes others, turning witnesses into an audience.

If pornographic displays have erupted in your backyard, your kitchen or elsewhere on your property, you can good-naturedly say a version of: “Hey, don’t makeme get out the hose,” or “Whoa, get a room, you two!”

Privately, you and your wife should honestly tell your (respective) friends, “We are so happy for you. It is obvious that you are really into each other, but some of the conversation about your sexual relationship and some of the more graphic public displays of affection aremakingme uncomfortable.”

DearAmy: I havedrawn and painted for most ofmy life. I recently drew a picture ofmy beautiful daughter.

She seemed to be delighted when she sawit. I did not hear much from her about it, so I asked her howher husband liked it. She told me that he said he thought the drawing looked likeme. Not a very flattering comment, but honest.

I decided Iwould like the drawing back since it pleasedme, and they did not seem towant to hang it. She said shewanted to keep it. Then they put it in their guesthouse, which is separate fromtheir residence.

I amOKwith the fact they do not like the drawing. Not everyone likes the same type of art, but I would like to havemy drawing back, since it means more tome than to them. Is it a problem if I ask formy drawing back?

— Artist

Dear Artist: You should not ask for the drawing back. You should not cast aspersions on your daughter, who received the drawing and has hung it in their guesthouse, where others will see it.

When your son-in-law remarked that the drawing looked like you, it doesn’t seem to have occurred to you that you and your daughter resemble one another, and that this might be a thoughtful (and flattering) comment.

You should not ask for this gift back. Furthermore, you areway too sensitive to share your art with others. I hope you will enjoy your hobby privately.

DearAmy: “I Like Being Alone” was planning some hikes at nearby national parks and didn’twant to invite her co-worker, due to her dog’s bad habits.

She might have an easy out ... most national parks do not allowdogs!

Dear Like to Hike: Many readers pointed this out. My own research shows that different parks have different rules. Check NPS.gov for specifics.