Online counseling during virus has been a surprising success
If you had told me six months ago that Iwould enjoy doing therapy online, Iwould not have believed you. At that time I thought there being something sacred about being in a therapist’s office. Itwas a safe place where people could share their struggles and learn howto create positive outcomes.
I believed that I needed to see all the visual cues that psychologists are trained to observe, like nervous foot shaking. Iwould have told you that clientswould be too distracted by everything else going on in their life unless theywere away fromit all. And how, I would have asked, would it be possible to feel the energy that evolves when two people are really connecting with one other?
But major changes occurred when the coronavirus forcedme into doing remote sessions. I found a HIPPA compliant online platform and started to do therapy “screen to screen” rather than “face to face”. Admittedly, the first sessionswere initially a little strange. But online meetings actually allowme to observe people’s faces much more carefully, providingme with a deeper sense of whatmy clients are feeling.
I realize nowthat being in the office does not contribute as much as I thought to the conditions necessary for healing. Tomy surprise, virtual therapy isworkingwell to helpmy clients.
Clients also report feeling good about online therapy. They too have the ability to studymy face more intently. That enables them to more readily pick up on all the non-verbal expressions that I’m transmitting. In someways our therapeutic rela
tionship is actually being enhanced.
Many ofmy busy clients have realized howmuch easier it is to meet online. They do not have to wrap up what they are doing at work, drive to an office, sit in a waiting room, and then have to spend more time driving home after our session.
Another surprise has been a newfound understanding of someone’sworld that only comes from seeing them in their own environment. When I can see someone in theirworkspace or personal space, I literally see theirworld in a new way. And clients relate differently when they are in their comfort zone.
It’s easier for people to share what’s going on in theirworld when they are actually in their world. When someone has just finished dealing with a difficult situation before they clicked into their online meeting with me, their awareness of problems is fresh. I get to see their real-world reactions. I’m able to listen to howthey go about constructing their narrative to explain the situation.
I can observe clients applying their internal filters that sometimes lead them to erroneous conclusions and ill-conceived reactions. Addressing issues using Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy enables me to help them correct their thinking before their perceptions have become their truth.
By doing thiswork closer to the moment the situation is unfolding, it’s easier for clients to clarify their perceptions and choose their re
sponses This is especially true in couples counseling.
When couples have to reconstruct what happened at home in the therapist’s office, they come having prepared their story. (Spoiler alert: each side explains why they’re the victim and their partner’s the villain who caused the problem.)
However, when they’re in their home, couples seem to find it easier to step back into replaying the conflicts as they actually occurred. An instant replay of how the problem played out enables us to stop the action and examine howeach partner’s reactions contributed to escalating a conflict rather than diffusing it.
I’m then able to coach each individual on what they can do to communicate more effectively. The couple is able to practice new ways of listening, reflecting and negotiating in order to achieve a positive outcome on their home turf. This has proven to be a profound improvement over traditional in-the-office treatment.
When couples have received coaching in the environment in which they need to be able to communicate, it’s easier for them to use their new tools on their own. Experiencing success has proven to be a big relief for people who have begun to lose hope that their marriage can be saved.
It’s beenwonderful to witness couples creating a home life in which they’re more relaxed with each other as they improve their communication and collaboration. Rather than the therapist’s office being the safe space, the couple’s home becomes the place where they have constructive conversations and create intimate connections.