ASK AMY Don’t shred mom’s sentimental letters
DearAmy: My mother is 90 years old and is now considering shredding letters fromour dad that he wrote to her before they were married. Dadwas in theNavy.
My sisters and Iwould like to keep them when she is gone.
She reread all 174 letters recently and said there was nothing racy in them, so why not keep them for us?
What is your opinion on this?
— Upset Daughter
DearDaughter: My opinion is that these letters— and any letters fromanyone of this era— would be wonderful to read.
Your mothermight not quite grasp that even quotidian accounts of life from 70 years agowould be of interest to people today.
Naturally, you and your sisterswould be interested in accounts of your own early lives and the comings and goings of long-gone relatives, but itwould also be cool to read about something as ordinary as, “I’ve been thinking about getting one of those Philco television sets,” or, “I can’t believe gasoline costs 30 cents a gallon!”
Accounts of people serving in the military add another dimension to the importance of these letters.
I read a story in SmithsonianMagazine about a remarkable man named AndrewCarroll and his heroic effort to found the “Million Letters Campaign,” with the goal to collect 1 million letters from military members for the Center for American War Letters at Chapman University (chapman.edu).
Helped along through advocacy fromfellow advice-giver “Dear Abby,” this center has collected thousands of first-person military accounts ofwar and peacetime.
Perhaps in celebration of VeteransDay this year, people will be inspired to open that suitcase, shoebox, or plastic bin— and read, reread, scan and donate these important slices of history.
I hope your mother will respond to your desire to share this history with her.
DearAmy: I have been in a relationship with “Bret” for over five years.
Bretmoved in with me after about six months.
We used to talk about marriage and the future. Nowwe just do chores and yardwork. Webothwent to school during this time, and for the past three years, I have beenworking a lot of hours.
However, Iwant tobe married. He never brings it up. I have stopped talking about it because I get upset when I do.
We have tried counseling. Hewon’t say much of anything.
Do I justwalk away and start over, or should I stick it out? Howlong is long enough towait for marriage?
— UnhappilyUnmarried
DearUnmarried: You don’t say what about marriage you find so enticing, but what you currently have seems like many marriages.
I infer that you are eager for a level of intimacy— emotional and otherwise— that you associate with marriage, but based on your experience so far, “Bret,” while a very nice guy, doesn’t seem to be built thatway. Your reluctance to state your own wants and needs because you “get upset” makes me wonder if you’re built that way too.
Even if you somehow got Bret to the altar, marriagewouldn’t fix your relationship or change him into the husband youwant him to be.
You need to ask yourself if what you currently have is “enough” for the long haul. If it is not, then yes, you should start fresh.
DearAmy: “Frequent Flier” wrote a very selfserving account of what it feels like to be an adult child living at home with parents. Flier compared the experience of living at home to being roommates with parents. Thank you for pointing out that if you don’t pay rent, you are not a roommate.
I take issue with your characterization of families who have adult children living at home, however. Everyone I knowin this situation charges their kids rent.
— Disappointed
The pandemic caused many young adults to suddenly flock back home (I’ve had two living at home for several months). Because of unemployment, dislocation and financial instability, charging (and paying) rent is not always possible. I do agree that this arrangementworks best when both parties state reasonable expectations.
Dear Disappointed: