ASK AMY Bride excludes in-law from wedding

DearAmy: My niece’s brother-in-law, “Bradley,” will be getting married later this year.

My niece, “Kate,” is married to Bradley’s brother. All of Bradley’s siblings and their spouses have been asked to be in the bridal party, everyone except for Kate.

Kate’s husband is in his brother’s party, but her future sister-in-law, “Julie,” has excluded Kate.

Kate included Julie in herwedding party several years ago. Kate can think of nothing thatwould have offended Julie.

Howshould Kate handle this upcomingwedding?

— SadAunt

Dear SadAunt: In the movie version, “Kate” would attend thewedding, get roaring drunk at the reception, and then deliver the roasty-toast of the century.

Movie pitch aside, if every single sibling and spouse has been included in thewedding party, this exclusion does seem offkilter. However, the fact thatKate included “Julie” in her ownwedding does not obligate Julie to recipro-kate.

Kate might be able to tease out a gracious explanation by asking Julie, “I accept your decision not to ask me to be part of the wedding party, but Iwant to make sure— are you and IOK?”

Kate should attend this wedding, be a gracious guest and have a good time.

Every summer and fall, family members gather at a beach house about an hour frommy home.

DearAmy:

Because there are not enough bedrooms in the house, my husband and I sleep in an open loft, just above the kitchen and living room.

I’m a light sleeper, and I get only a few hours of shut-eye, due to the natural activity fromboth the night owls and children rising early.

With chronic health conditions, I’d prefer to sleep inmy own home and return to the beach house for day and evening activities, but I’m afraid this would be seen as rude.

What do you recommend?

— Sleep-deprived

Dear Sleep-deprived:

You are responsible for taking care of yourself and seeing to your own needs. No one else can do that for you.

You have two reasonable choices: to ask for a bedroom with a door, or to drive home each night.

I cannot imagine that anyonewould be affronted if you decided to make a change and stop sleeping in the loft.

In fact, if you chose to return to your home and sleep in your own bed each night, your fellowfamily members might actually be happy to havemore sleeping space available in the group house.

DearAmy: Responding to Red Faced, whoworried about people bringing gifts to a “no gifts” party— on my 80th birthday, my wife invited over 100 friends and relatives tomy birthday party.

Knowing that most all of themwould bring a gift (even though told not to on the invitations), I asked them to bring a new unwrapped children’s toy, which they all did.

The days after the party, I delivered all of the toys to our local children’s hospital.

The hospital staff brought some of the children down to the lobby where the giftswere unloaded, and the kidswere so excited.

This 80-year-old man was excited too.

— Gifted

I love your generous idea.

Dear Gifted:

DearAmy: Lame advice fromyou to “Frustrated,” whose husband had stopped using deodorant andwas nowsmelly.

Better advice for this personwould be:

■ Shave underarms. It will reduce the smell drastically.

■ Wash underarms in the morning and evening.

■ Lose theweight, the coffee and change the diet.

■ Get active and sweat in a workout as you will get rid of toxins and other chemicals bacteria live on.

This will also have a benefit with depression if it’s a cause.

— Reader

DearReader: All great advice, I’m sure. But “Frustrated” couldn’t even muster the courage to speak to her husband about his body odor. If she can’t even mention it to him, getting him to shave his armpits could be a very tough sell.