Train present may derail relationship

DearAmy: About eight years ago, I gavemy 4-yearold godson a train set for Christmas. He enjoyed it, andwe played with it together for several years. He eventually outgrew it.

Now, he is 12. He recently discovered the train set in the closet. Hewanted to sell it to get money to buy some AirPods, which cost about what he could get for the train set. So, with his parents’ help, he put it online, sold it and got the AirPods.

I think this is great! I believe that once you give a gift, it is theirs to do with as they please.

The problem ismy wife of four years does not agree. She thinks itwas extremely rude ofmy godson and his parents to sell a personal gift that I got him for Christmas without at least consulting me about it.

I toldmy wife that even though it might have been nice for them to tell me that theywere going to do this, I honestly do not care.

I amworried thatmy wife is going to say something about this tomy godson’s parents (she has indicated that she will).

We socialize with them often (they are one of very few in our pandemic circle). I don’twant her to create hard feelings.

Not only that, if it does come to that, should I side withmy friends because I agree with them, causing my wife to be mad at me, or side withmy wife, even though I disagree, just to make a more harmonious home?

— In a Quandary

I have an idea: Howabout your wife keep her

Dear in a Quandary:

thoughts to herself, thereby ensuring both a solid friendship, aswell as a harmonious home?

This is the very essence of “none of her business.” Your relationshipwith your godson predates your relationship with your wife. You have every right to conduct your relationship with the boy theway you choose to. Furthermore, I happen to agree with your stance regarding the gift. It was not a family heirloom. It has been recycled, and nowanother child will enjoy it.

If your wife has the gall to bring this up to the boy’s parents in your presence, you should say to her,

“Well, I completely disagree with you, as Imade clear whenwe discussed this before. When I give a gift, I believe the person who receives it should do whatever theywant with it.”

If your wifewants a harmonious home, perhaps she shouldn’t judge and confront friends about their parenting, or harshly judge your godparenting.

And because this is a godchild question, I’ll throwout a favorite admonition fromthe Bible: “Be a cheerful giver!” You have done so, and good for you.

DearAmy: I have only one living sibling. She spent most of our adult years manipulating our mother to getmore than her share of money, jewelry, family antiques, at times resorting to lies and even theft. She seldom called me, never visited and left me with the lion’s share of eldercare.

Nowshe is lonely, her marriage is on the rocks, and her kids are estranged or troubled.

I invited her to visit, twice, but found her unchanged. She is still selfish and sneaky.

Nowshewants to move here and joinmy close circle of friends and family. “Family first” has beenmy creed, but I’m not feeling it for her.

Howcan I say no?

— Worried

DearWorried: You cannot prevent your sister from moving to town, but you can definitely try to prepare her for reality by saying, “I hope you understand thatmoving will probably not be the solution to your problems. I’m not prepared to meet your needs.”

If this sister is a master manipulator and boundary-crosser, you will have to work hard to establish and frequently reinforce boundaries. Put theword “no” into your vocabulary, and be prepared to use it.

DearAmy: Was it really necessary for you to quote bigoted and misguided racists as referring to themselves as “White Christians”? If theywere Christians and had read the Bible, theywould know that Christ looks at the heart, not skin color.

— Disappointed

I thought itwas important to let these people reveal themselves.

And, I could be wrong, but I don’t think there are any White people in the Bible.

Dear Disappointed: