ASK AMY Translating his breakup language

DearAmy: I’m a 22-yearoldwoman, and I got dumped lastweek bymy boyfriend, who’s 21. We had been together for two months. Itwas the most romantic and happiest time for us both. Wemade plans to spend our lives together (getting married, having kids, etc.).

His reason for the breakupwas to spend time on his own to deal with his PTSD and depression from an abusive relationship that he got out of this year.

He called our relationship: “right person, wrong time,” but I asked him if the breakupwas permanent yesterday, and he said itwas. He said that when he feels better, he’llwant a fresh start, but I don’t understand. If I’m the right person, then why is he ending our relationship?

Whenever he said he lovedme orwanted a life with me, I could tell he was telling the truth. I love him so much, and this has affected me so badly. I knowhe still lovesme, so why is he acting like he hates me right now? He threatened to blockme on social media. Can you help me?

— Devastated

This guy is trying to break up with you. Your job nowis to respect his choice, even if you believe he is sending you a mixed message.

However, he isn’t actually sending you a mixed message. “Right person, wrong time” means: “I care about you, but I ambreaking up with you.”

“I need time onmy own in order to deal withmy previous trauma and depression” means: “I am breaking up with you.”

Dear Devastated:

Threatening to block you on social media means, “I am breaking up with you. Don’t attempt to communicate with me. If I’m interested in reviving our relationship, I’ll get in touch with you.”

It is terrible, awful, and so heartbreaking to be left behind. But you are both young. Your relationship might have burned too brightly.

Please, take time to regroup. Breakups can be devastating, but they can also lead to personal insight. Next time, go slow. Keep in mind this (somewhat cheesy) saying that actually helped me to recover frommy own long-ago divorce: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours. If they don’t, they neverwere.”

DearAmy: One ofmy good professional colleagues is named Karen. She is thoughtful, conscientious and considerate. She is the very opposite of the racist and demanding “Karen” stereotype that is getting so much flak and attention right now.

When she isn’t present in meetings, colleagues make “Karen” jokes, which I always try to shoot down, but it still feels awful. Somehow, it seemsworse, since these remarks come frommy other colleagues who fancy themselves to be liberal and inclusive.

Recently, Karen really helped me out by preventing me frommaking a rather costly and potentially serious professional error. NowI amfeeling doubly guilty. Is there anything else I can do to improve the situation and stop the stupid jokes?

— Feeling Guilty

DearGuilty: Making fun of someone’s name is juvenile bullying. I suggest that you react to this by speaking up and saying a version of, “Really. This has gotten so old. Can you please stop?”

I posted an informal poll on social media, asking Karens to respond to your question about “Karens.” About a dozen Karens responded, evincing a sense of humor about this, aswell as an attitude best described as: “Sigh. This, too, shall pass.”

If any of this teasing takes place in front of (your) Karen, she might want to laugh it off and demand: “Iwant to see the manager. Wait, I AMthe manager!” which is a very “Karen” thing to do.

DearAmy: I have to admit that Iwas shocked to see your lengthy response to “Concerned Friend,” who reported that his male friendwas being physically abused by his wife. You are usually so biased, sexist and antimale that Iwas genuinely shocked to read your affirmative response to this question.

— Usually Disappointed

Yes, men are (also) gravely affected by intimate partner violence, and it is devastating for both the survivor and his friends and family. I feel thoroughly damned by faint praise, but regardless, I sincerely thank you.

Dear Disappointed: