Are there rules for a reporter leaving a meeting early?
I ama business reporter for a local newspaper. Iwas I sentmy godson a card informed that one of our with a gift of money for his local larger businesseswas 17th birthday. He never having a staff meeting to contactedmeto say thank discuss major changes, so I you. Hismom(my very decided to attend. good friend) calledme
It took place in a large about twoweeks after his auditorium and therewere birthday just to talk and, about 500 people in attenduring the conversation, dance. I sat in the back row thankedmefor the gift of and took notes. About 20 money. minutes into the meeting, This is not the first time I had enough material, so I this has happened, and I got up to leave. get upset each time. He,
The president of the not hismom, should call company, whowas speakmeor sendmeawritten ing at the time, apparently thank-you. I feel it is the mistookme for one of his parent’s responsibility to employees because he teach their children this shouted atme, in an angry basic concept, butmy tone of voice,“Hey you! Sit friend hasn’t and it bothers me.down!We’renotdoneyet!” I ignored him and just kept Howdo I approach walking. wanting a thank-you
Granted, I had not been fromhim, and not his invited to themeeting, mom, without offending though the company my friend? He is a great made no effort to keep kid and verywell-manoutsiders out, either. But nered; however, I feel he ignoring that aspect of it, is old enough to thankme whatwould have been the himself. appropriate response on my part? Should I have ignored him as I did, or should I have said something? And if so, what?
Gentle reader: No doubt the most satisfying solutionwould have been to say, “Thank you. I’m actually a local reporter and I have everything that I need,” before running for the door. Itwould certainly have given the company president pause.
But that onlyworks if you are yourself innocent of anywrongdoing. Areputable reporter is expected to identify as such to the people he or she is covering— unless the information to be obtained is accessible to the general public. When throwing a dinner party, MissMannersmay forget to lock the door each time a guest arrives. But that is not an open invitation to the neighbors.
DearMissManners:
Gentle reader: You approach him. Understandably, you do notwant a surrogate to respond to your present, so do not use that surrogate to register your complaint.
“Caleb, dear,” you say, “your mother toldme that you gotmy check. But you’ve never toldmeif it waswelcome. If I don’t get any direct feedback fromyou, I have noway of knowing whether you were pleased.”
MissManners suggests the use of theword “feedback,” because it is so familiar fromsocial media. She trusts you are aware of
the latent threat there.
DearMissManners: I was asked by a friend to be a bridesmaid at her upcomingwedding! She and I are bothwondering, however, howto handle breaking this news to others in our friend circle whoare not included in the smallwedding party (andwhoare attending the wedding). I’m hoping you can recommendsuggestions for phrasing and timing, as it will eventually become evident.
Gentle reader: There is no kindway to say, “Sorry, you just aren’t special enough of a friend to stand up atmywedding.” As you said, it will become evident— and if it is a small wedding party, the ranking and reasoning for it will be implied.
Allowing the others to accept the oversight graciously (i.e., hearing by word of mouth and without a formal decree) is the onlyway to handle it. Any hurt feelings will likely be pacified whenthe others realize the financial pressure and duties that they have narrowly escaped. MissManners suggests you do them the added favor of not suggesting that they contribute anyway.
DearMissManners: Is it polite to tell someone that their book has a typographical error?
Gentle reader: Only whenthe book is being prepared for a second edition. Or if the first editionwas so small the author can easily do hand corrections in each copy.
To send a question to the MissManners team of JudithMartin, Nicholas IvorMartin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.