Positive thinking can be hard to maintain in a pandemic

Positive thinking can be hard to maintain nine months into a pandemic. Surprisingly, that can be a good thing. People who are overly optimistic can become very unhappy when their unrealistic expectations fail to materialize, according to researchers. Here are two examples:

· Ruth really wanted to have her children and grandchildren over for Thanksgiving. But she got depressed when COVID restrictions prevented them from traveling to be with her.

· Mike is a college student who desperately wanted to see his high school buddies over the holiday. He was furious when his parents prohibited him from hanging out with friends who’d just traveled home from all over the country.

Why have these people lapsed into extremely unhappy emotions? They were engaged in wishful thinking. They were seduced by the belief that remaining doggedly optimistic would prevent anything bad from happening to them. Refusing to engage in critical conversations curtailed their ability to get input that would correct their misperceptions.

Picturing a positive outcome is simply the starting point for maintaining wellbeing. Having relationships with people who will have honest conversations about challenges and how to best deal with problems is also an essential ingredient.

Here's a case in point. In a recent study

of two weight-loss approaches, one group of women were asked to picture having successfully reached their goal. Another group of women was told to imagine times they’d be tempted to cheat on the diets. Surprisingly, the more positive the outcome they believed they’d achieve, the fewer pounds they shed. Fantasizing about reaching their goal actually hindered people from realizing the results they wanted because they were unprepared for dealing with the challenges.

These findings have been replicated in many different studies: children wanting to get good grades, singles desiring a date, or patients hoping for a speedy recovery following surgery.

In “Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation,” psychologist Gabrielle Oettingen found that dreaming about positive outcomes initially calms you. However, it also reduces your ability for making prudent plans to effectively deal with obstacles, leading to longterm frustration and disappointment.

“Positive thinking fools our mind into perceiving that we’ve already attained our goal,” Oettingen writes. The opposite approach is no better, her studies have shown. People only focus on problems, challenges or obstacles don’t obtain any better results than those who simply indulge in positive fantasies.

What does work to achieve the best outcomes is a combination of positive and realistic thinking. The researchers refer to this approach as “mental contrasting”. It provides the motivation we need to pursue positive outcomes that are obtainable and helps us to evaluate and eliminate unreasonable or unrealistic goals.

To start mental contrasting, spend a few minutes thinking about a goal. Let your mind wander, fantasizing how you would feel if your desire were to come true. Next, refocus your mind on contemplating the challenges that you’ll be facing and the obstacles you’ll need to overcome. Consider all of the hurdles standing in the way of achieving a positive outcome.

Finally, engage your mind in an exercise that enables you to determine if there’s a realistic plan that would enable you to achieve your goal. Does your desire still seem reasonable?

If you still believe that it’s possible for you to achieve your goal, then seek out someone who has knowledge about what it will take to succeed. Hopefully, this will be someone who has personally accomplished the outcome you desire. What do they think are the steps to success? Ask them for a realistic assessment of your chances of realizing your goal. If they believe you can do it, are they willing to provide guidance on exactly what you need to do?

Research using this approach has been used successfully to help people achieve many different goals: improving their relationships, recovering from chronic pain, enhancing academic performance, and managing workplace stress. Now it can be applied to sorting out what activities we can realistically engage in as the coronavirus surges.

We all want the pandemic to be over. There’s a good chance that it could be this time next year. What do you want your life to look like in a year? What are the obstacles that you need to deal in order to keep yourself and your loved ones safe between now and then?

Take 10 minutes to do some mental contrasting. Then talk to someone who’s knowledgeable about the real challenges you’ll face. These two steps can prevent wishful thinking from guiding your decision making.