Thanking your neighbors and friends is simple: Write to them
I underwent major surgery last year. Iamrecovering well, but itwill, of course, take time to be up and moving normally. I live alone, having recently moved to the other side of the country for graduate school.
The people I have met over the last year have been sowonderful! I have had people bringmemeals, helpmerun errands, clean my house and evenwalk my dog! I could not have asked for a better support network.
Iwant to acknowledge their kindness and generosity in someway, butam at a loss. Prior to quarantine, Iwould have hosted a thank-you dinner for everyone, but that is now unwise for their safety and mine. I amalso a student, so gift cards (or even moderately priced gifts) are cost-prohibitive forme.
Please, howcan I show these people just how much their love and care has meant to me?
Gentle reader:
Write them letters. Those do not cost anything and mean so much. In them, express the desire to reciprocate the kindness should the need arise— and to get together once restrictions are lifted and your health is restored.
MissManners assures you that handwritten letters will have longer-lasting effects than big box store gift cards or strongly scented candles.
DearMissManners:
I often findmyself caught off-guard by family memberswhodon’t invite meto functions, but still makeme feel guilty.
Iwas not invited to my niece’s 50th birthday dinner. WhenIwas talking to her brother (my nephew), he bluntly told methat they’re going to a local restaurant for dinner. The phonewent silent on my end because I didn’t knowanything about it and I really didn’t knowhowto respond. Then, after a long pause, he said, “It’s her 50th birthday!!”
I felt like hewas going out of hisway tomakeme feel bad. I just said the first thing that came tomind, whichwas, “Aren’t you afraid to go out to a restaurant amidstCOVID?” He said no, then I said, “I can’t do that. I’m afraid of going out.” Then he dropped it.
But Iwas not even invited to this party. How should I have handled it?
My husband can’t be in the same roomwithmy family because he doesn’t like them, so they’re used tomemaking excuses not to attend family gatherings. But at the same time, they fail to inviteme and then say things like that to makemefeel bad.
Gentle reader:
Well, you could start attending family events, with or without your husband, when the conditions are safe. Or you could even host one to showthat you want to be included.
Otherwise, Miss Manners does not understand your complaint: You stopped accepting invitations and your relatives stopped issuing them.
DearMissManners:
I need to start addressing Christmas cards. In this ever-changingworld, I don’t knowthe proper way to address envelopes. Please help.
Until now, I knew that if Iwere addressing a doctor and his wife, the addresswould read, “Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.” But howshould the address read if thewomanhas the professional title, and not the man?
Also, with somany gay marriages, howwould I address a letter to twomen or twowomen? And what if the couple has chosen one surname? These modern times haveme quite perplexed.
Gentle reader: But it is so simple. All you need is another line on the envelope:
“Dr. JasmineWright/ Mr. RoccoWright.” “Ms. LilyHunter/Ms. Isabelle Groton.” Or, on one line, “TheMessrs. Everett and LukeHampshire.”
DearMiss Manners:
If onewere to get food on one’s eyeglasses while one iswearing them, should one use a napkin to clean them? Or another item, such as a microfiber cloth or handkerchief?
This has yet to happen to mein a public setting, but I amcurious if this question has a definitive answer. Gentle reader: Would you mind telling MissManners howyou propose to squirt your food onto your eyeglasses? Much as she admires your prudence in preparing for such a possibility, she cannot come up with a scenario.
Remove your glasses. Donot sit therewith gravy dripping fromyour face, pretending that nothing happened. If you cannot wipe them inconspicuously, go to the bathroom anddoso.
To send a question to the MissManners team of JudithMartin, Nicholas IvorMartin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.