Single 20-something treated badly by smug couple friends

Dear Miss Manners: I am in my late 20s, and find myself the only single person in a small mixed-gender group of friends. Generally this isn’t an issue. However, one man in the group started dating a young lady about a year ago and they recently became engaged. Since then, he and his intended have begun having gettogethers to which all of our friends are invited except for me.

Generally, these are informal events to which, in the past, I would have been welcomed. His excuse is that the events are “couples only” and that he isn’t excluding me; rather, my single status is excluding me.

I have never heard of such a thing, especially for an informal barbecue or game night, and am quite hurt that they are choosing to host events designed to exclude me and only me. After all, it’s not like I’ve chosen to be unattached.

Are couples events really an acceptable way to host a casual evening in with friends? What is the right way to respond to this to let them know how hurtful they are being?

Gentle reader:

While Miss Manners has some sympathy for hosts who are trying to ensure an even number of guests for certain games or table place settings, this can obviously be accomplished by adding a new person, rather than subtracting an existing one.

Presumably, your male friend brought his fiancée along at some point before they were engaged. You might point this out. “Do you know any good prospects?” would, however, be infinitely preferable to, “Well, I certainly hope that you and Kitty make it, so that you don’t get excluded from the group, too.”

Dear Miss Manners:

Having undergone knee surgeries, I am the owner of a few scars. I do not believe that this fact obliges me to wrap myself up from head to toe to avoid violating public decency, particularly if the weather is close to boiling and I am in my own garden or enjoying the sunshine at the beach.

However, I have met with some comments that left me dumbfounded and hurt. One came from a gentleman who was passing by my front gate and felt the urge to share that I should have covered up my legs, as they make one want to throw up. He further commented that showing such repulsive things in public should be banned. At the time, I just stared at him, lost for words.

Unfortunately, I hear unwelcome comments or inquisitive remarks (the former mostly from adults, the latter from children) every now and again, and I would be grateful for any suggestions on what to say. I hope to memorize something to say, since my mind goes blank in these moments, unable to comprehend the levels of rudeness of some people.

Gentle reader: What Miss Manners would say to the adult is, “Thank you for your sympathy.” But as that is probably too subtle for your attacker, she would allow, “What about displaying ugly behavior in public?” Children require a different approach, as they have not been taught that curiosity is not an excuse for intrusiveness. So she recommends a gentle tone when you say, “People do not like to be asked to explain the way they look.”

Dear Miss Manners:

Because of similar apartment numbers, an elderly gentleman in my building sometimes receives my mail by mistake. On three separate occasions, he has returned it — after opening and reading it.

Despite a lack of apology from him, I understand accidents happen and hold no ill will for the mishaps. However, on the two occasions he opened my bank statements, he returned them and made rather personal and disparaging comments about my bank balance and how I must like to “shop a lot.” I was dumbstruck on these occasions, and couldn’t manage much of a response. I am nervous that, if this happens again, I might not be able to be polite. Is there an appropriate response that Miss Manners can suggest that would make it clear that I have no interest in what he thinks about my finances, without descending into rudeness?

Gentle reader: This would best be done when a letter of his has been delivered to you. Knock at his door, and hold the letter just out his reach, as if waiting for a child to say “please.” Say, in a half-joking tone, “I got one of your letters by mistake. Let’s make a deal: I won’t read your mail if you won’t read mine.”

Miss Manners supposes it is too much to hope that his letter is in a feminine hand and looks as if it might be a love letter.