Parishioner is questioning pastor’s marriage timeline
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a member of my current church for over 10 years now. I love my pastor, but I am having trouble accepting some of his choices. He just divorced his wife of 25 years and remarried one of our former choir members within one year of signing the papers. I don’t know what was going on behind closed doors, but this just seems messy to me — not to mention how hard it is to not suspect he was seeing his new wife while he was married to his former wife. Should I confront him about how I feel? — Hard To Accept
DEAR HARD TO ACCEPT: While your pastor has the right to live his own life, as the leader of your church, he also bears the responsibility of representing the values and principles your faith upholds. I’m sure you are not the only church member who questions the ethics around his divorce and recent marriage. This situation is the proverbial elephant in the room.
Consider different approaches. For one, you can go to the Deacon Board and file a concern about your pastor’s behavior and this marriage. Explain how you are feeling and the questions that are emerging. Ask if they have talked to him about his personal life and if he would be willing to speak to the congregation about what happened. You can also go directly to the pastor and tell him how uncomfortable you are feeling and that you need to understand. Yes, he can have his personal life, but as the pillar of the church, you worry that he is setting a bad example.
It seems like something needs to be said out loud in order to reunify the congregation. Otherwise, it is likely that some members may decide to leave the church and find sanctuary elsewhere.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Growing up, I encountered violence on a daily basis in my neighborhood. I came across an arts program that gave me a safe haven and the hope to see beyond my environment. The impact of that program catapulted me out of my neighborhood and was the driving force behind me becoming an educator. I have now been a music teacher for more than a decade. I have a dream of starting my own nonprofit arts program for kids in my community, but I have no clue how to get started. What should my first step be? — Aspiring Inspirer
DEAR ASPIRING INSPIRER: Why not go back to where you started? Talk to the founder of the program that saved you. Ask how they got started, what the challenges were and how they ultimately succeeded. Listen carefully so that you can learn from folks with on-the-ground experience.
Next, contact an attorney who can help you set up your not-for-profit. There is a specific process you have to follow to receive legal status, and an attorney who specializes in this field can guide you.
Pay attention so that you can find supporters who will be interested in helping you build your idea. Community leaders are helpful to get aligned with you. They can be political, religious and entrepreneurial leaders as well as social activists. Talk to local schools to see what types of services are most needed. Build a coalition of support. You will need this to make your dream come true.