Fear of medical expenses leads to avoiding doctor

DEAR HARRIETTE: It’s somewhat frightening how many people I know who are having serious medical issues. I arrived at an off-site job earlier this week only to learn that a woman I hadn’t seen for a few months had been away due to open-heart surgery following a heart attack. A male friend of mine is recovering from a stroke. Yet another guy I haven’t seen for several years just told me he had had a heart attack a few months back. OMG! Two of these people appeared to be the picture of health.

I’m afraid to go to the doctor for fear of what they might find about me. I’m somewhat healthy, but I don’t have the best habits. If I get sick, I can’t afford to do anything about it anyway. I work freelance. Am I crazy to say that I will just see what happens? I really can’t afford to deal with a major health issue if it comes. — Head in the Sand

DEAR HEAD IN THE SAND: The No. 1 cause for people to go bankrupt in this country is a health crisis. That’s true even for people who have good insurance. The cost of being ill is astronomical, so it’s perfectly understandable that you would rather not find out if something is wrong with you. That said, I do not recommend that you ignore your health. The American health care system is excellent at diagnostics — at figuring out what is wrong with a patient. I strongly suggest that you use this to your advantage. Problems that are caught early tend to be much less expensive than ones that have progressed.

Go for your annual checkups. Get the tests that will tell you if a problem is on the horizon. Then do everything you can to stay healthy. Eat wisely. Exercise regularly. Get enough rest. These sound basic because they are, yet most people don’t follow them very well. Be proactive about maintaining good health, and do your research to discover alternative methods to boost your immune system.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like the ultimate broken record, complaining about the same things over and over again, yet not making any significant changes. I have been married for a long time, and I am not happy. My husband is a “nice” man, and everybody loves him, but honestly he is not very nice to me. We barely talk. When we do, he often berates me about any little thing and then acts like I am too sensitive. I do not want to continue to live like this, but I also believe in marriage and don’t want to be the girl who gave up. How can I get him to be nicer to me? — Need a Refresh

DEAR NEED A REFRESH: Have you tried therapy? You may learn some ways of conveying your needs and desires better by engaging a professional to help you. If you can get your husband to go, all the better! You say your husband is not “nice” to you. What does that mean? Be specific with your complaints so that when you address your husband (and your therapist), you can illustrate exactly what is bothering you. If you are vague, you will never get your point across.