Counseling provides option to sort out divergent views
I have been in a two-year relationship with a man who is loving and intelligent. We have talked about marriage since the beginning. I have traditional values, while he doesn’t believe the institution of marriage is necessary.
This would be a second marriage for both of us. Our children are grown, so having kids doesn’t factor into this decision. He says he’s willing to marry me because he knows how important marriage is to me. I was raised in the church, and living together not only makes me uncomfortable, but also is looked down upon by my family.
For a while, he wanted to wait for a few of his financial issues to be worked out. They have been, but he doesn’t seem ready to move forward. Another issue is that while we are compatible in most ways, we are polar opposites when it comes to politics and religion. It bothers me, but he says we don’t have to agree on everything — that if we did, life would be boring. I feel that to have a happy relationship, a couple’s essential values and morals should be similar.
I’m wondering if a relationship with so many differences can survive.
Opposites often attract, that’s true. And, depending upon the people involved, it can lead to successful marriages.
However, couples in a solid relationship need to be able to communicate honestly with each other.
If you plan on taking this relationship to the next level, I recommend the two of you have premarital counseling. Your church may offer it. Or, if he would prefer, consult a licensed marriage and family counselor.
My daughter is 3. She has reached the point where she notices and comments upon others’ appearance. Generally, her comments are of the “that lady has a big bottom!” variety, spoken loudly and within earshot. We are working on the concepts of manners and tact, in addition to learning that people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc.
In the meantime, however, have you any suggestions for how to address the subjects of her comments?
— Opposites Attract in Washington Dear Opposites Attract: — Embarrassed in Kentucky Dear Embarrassed:
You are overthinking this. Children sometimes say the darndest things. The way you’re handling it is just fine.