Spouses making time to talk vital to successful marriage

As the only income earner in our household of five, I work long hours. Sometimes I would enjoy talking about my day with my wife of 18 years. While she has no problem staying awake to watch television or going out with her friends on the weekend, she usually falls asleep right in the middle of what I’m saying.

Contrast this to a recent trip she took with her friends where they talked and yucked it up for five hours straight. No matter how tired I am at the end of a long work week, I will do everything in my power to stay awake if there’s something she needs to talk about. I can’t figure out why she’s not doing the same for me.

When I tell her it hurts my feelings that she doesn’t think I’m important enough to make the effort to stay awake, or at least tell me she’s too tired to talk, I get criticized for not being sympathetic to how tired she is. ] I think her behavior is self-centered. Am I crazy to think this way?

You’re not crazy. You seem rational to me. What your wife is doing when you tell her that you are hurt is accuse you of doing exactly what she has been doing. To prevent your anger from building over this, discuss it with her when she’s wide awake — in a marriage counselor’s office, if necessary.

My husband and I have had two big dogs for several years. In general, they are well-behaved, but they have a lot of energy. I have two kids and limited free time, and my husband no longer walks them. I refuse to do it because the dogs are very strong. They have knocked me over on a couple of occasions. Because the dogs have no release, they have destroyed things in the house several times.

I suggested dog training and/or a dog walker, but my husband refuses and promises to start walking them again (which usually lasts a couple of weeks, at most). He was raised to believe that dogs are part of the family, so when I suggest that we rehome the dogs, he won’t consider it.

Any advice you can offer would be appreciated.

— Unheard in Illinois Dear Unheard: — Lots of Energy Dear Lots of Energy:

Enlist your husband’s help once again in walking those “family members” and suggest he take the kids along. They might enjoy the “family” outing, and it would give you some time to yourself. Your reason for not doing it is valid. You should not risk physical injury.

When he stops walking the dogs again in a few weeks — as he will — hire the dog walker. If he objects, ask him which is more expensive, this or fixing the damage the dogs invariably cause when they haven’t had enough exercise to tire them out. I’m sure he will see your reasoning.