What to do about spiteful colleague

Q: A co-worker recently sent me a text that was clearly intended for someone else. In the text, “Brian” stated that dealing with me was “awkward” and that he’d had enough of me to last the rest of his life. This was quickly followed by a second text saying the previous one was misdirected, but it did not contain an apology.

I was both hurt and confused, because I had done nothing to offend Brian. Although he has a long history of throwing people under the bus, he has never done that with me. Brian has been friendly since then, but I’m still upset about his hateful comments. What should I do about this?

A: Given Brian’s backstabbing reputation, this stealth attack shouldn’t come as a complete surprise. Brian might be malicious, narcissistic or simply immature, but regardless of his motives, this is more about him than about you.

As for your next move, you basically have two choices. If you can simply attribute this incident to Brian’s dysfunctional personality, perhaps you can let it go. But if his nasty comments continue to reverberate in your brain, then you need to do something about it.

“Doing something” does not mean sending texts or emails, however. Although written communication has now become everyone’s default setting, difficult discussions should still take place in person. Instead of launching a verbal counterattack on your spiteful colleague, calmly request that he be more specific.