Unneeded gifts for Dad abound
The dad who the long-ago crafters of Father’s Day had in mind probably smoked a tobacco pipe, wore a tie to church on Sunday morning, shaved with a straight razor and had grateful kids with a few bucks to spend on the deserving old man.
Not dads, not kids and surely not marketers have changed much over the decades, although the gadgets with which the masses are called by marketers to engage have come a distance. Whether that distance involves actual progress or mere showmanship, cutting edge certainly can seem nifty. Not only that, but the brands and gadgets with which consumers are seen tell them and others who they are or aspire to be.
Outdoors dad is not immune to an attachment to the trendy and the technological. As Father’s Day 2017 approaches, what follows are gift ideas that can flesh out Dad’s reflected image in a world that no longer requires Daniel Boone.
• Wood smartphone covers produced by Toast (about $30) come in rainforest-friendly veneers of walnut, ebony, bamboo and ash. Laser-etched designs on the outside transform a phone held to an ear into a statement. A much, much cooler gift than wooden shoes or a poke of wooden nickels. Alternative gift: A sharp knife and a block of wood will allow Dad to whittle his own smartphone cover.
• The Fishing Caddy System ($60), essentially a plastic bucket accessorized for shore, pier or dock angling, is billed by its maker as an eighttools-in-one assemblage “engineered to provide modern convenience, relaxation and comfort to a very traditional pastime.” Among the eight is a 14-compartment tackle box built into the lid/seat, LED lighting for night work and two rod holders. The extra-large beer/cup holder is nicely matched to the 300pound seating capacity.
• Want Dad to have a means to clean the backyard or camp grill without exposing himself to the dangers, only recently recognized, of “wire bristle fallout?” A solution, Grill Daddy Brush Co. insists, is to give Dad one of its brushes, which sell at prices ranging from $7.99 for a basic model to $49.99 for the Grand Grill Daddy with patented BristleLock technology. Thus does the free market solve the problems it creates.
• By sunlight, starlight, moonlight and firelight, ancient man burned mastodon and sloth into semi-digestible charbroil. Eventually, the cuisine and the lighting improved. At last, moreover, Outdoor Edge has come up with grilling tongs ($34.05) and grilling tongs/spatula ($39.95) implanted with LED lights that illuminate what’s charring while the chef does the flipping. Could this not be the end to which cooking over fire has been evolving?
• Origami, the Japanese art of paper folding, is said to be the inspiration for Oru Kayak’s foldable models that weigh as little as 26 pounds, can be carried in a backpack, can be assembled in less than five minutes and can be stored under a bed or in a car trunk. Be prepared to unfold a considerable amount of green paper to meet the selling price of $1,299, $1,599 and $2,499, depending on the model. Carbon paddles fetch $375, an Oru carrying pack runs $99, and a fishing kit retails for $250. Maybe Dad can be talked into making payments.
• The Angler’s Elbow Pain Relief Kit consists of “an interchangeable therapy platform,” commonly known as a compression strap, and an Xtensor wrist and elbow strengthener. The kit includes an Acupressure Spikeplate, a reusable instant heat pack and two fast-freeze packs. Sold originally as the EZElbowPro Tennis Pro Healing System for $44.95 ($59.95 list), the kit could yet show up as the Beer Drinker’s Elbow Pain Relief Kit.
Other gifting possibilities include a waterproof ammo box, an inflatable cooler, a pair of fish flop sandals, a breathable, silicon Groove Ring, a Halo Repeller that creates a 15-foot-square Mosquito Protection Zone in minutes, a hand-powered smoothie blender and a Wetsleeve that allow the wearer to hydrate or otherwise imbibe from the wrist mouthpiece while in motion.
The message is: When it comes to celebrating Father’s Day, ties truly are optional.