Cross-dressing husband must be honest with wife
Dear Abby: I am a married, heterosexual male. My wife found out a year ago that I have been cross-dressing, and she’s not OK with it. She told me not to do it anymore.
I love my wife and I don’t want to lose her, but this is who I am and I can’t change it. I had an idea. My sisterin-law lives with us. She’s younger than my wife, very open-minded and liberal.
Do you think I should tell her in the hope that she can persuade my wife that crossdressing is OK?
Or maybe she could help me dress up behind my wife’s back?
The downside would be that I’d have to go into her room and try on her clothes. She probably wouldn’t be pleased about that. Also, she has a close bond with my wife, so she might tell her and refuse to help me. Any ideas?
If this is who you are, you should have told your wife about your need to cross-dress before you married her. I do not think you should try to recruit your sister-in-law because, it could damage either your marriage or their relationship.
Not knowing your wife, I can’t guess how amenable she would be to counseling. Some women don’t mind accommodating their husbands and enjoy helping them crossdress. However, if your wife can’t adjust, you will have to ask yourself whether you can continue in this marriage.
Dear Abby: You often give advice to readers about seeking professional counseling for challenges such as the death of a loved one or substance abuse. How successful is it when they
sought counseling for divorce?
My experience is similar to those I hear about from friends who have gone to counseling with their spouse. The outcome seems to have been like tossing a coin: Heads it worked, tails it didn’t.
After decades of reading your column, and 10 years after trying counseling to save a marriage, I’m still ... — Skeptical In Texas
Dear Skeptical: I’m sorry counseling has not helped you to heal your marriage. With a troubled marriage, a counselor can often facilitate broader communication than couples can achieve on their own.
However, like most relationships, marriages can be “saved” only when both spouses are willing to do the work to make it happen. When I advise readers to seek counseling, it’s usually because I feel they need more ongoing support than I can offer in a letter.