Freeloading son-in-law not likely to change ways

Dear Abby: Our son-in-law, “Brody,” has a very different lifestyle than ours and the one in which we raised our daughter. I pointed it out to her while they were dating, and she was not pleased. I decided to say no more and try to accept him as best as possible, although I acknowledge that my husband has been better at it than I have.

One thing that continues to bother us is that whenever we invite them out for dinner, Brody will order the most expensive thing on the menu. He also has a couple of drinks, upgrades his salad and orders dessert. By the time he’s done, the cost of his meal is double that of everyone else’s.

Although we can afford it, we feel this is bad manners. I’m not sure whether he’s trying to take advantage of us or whether he just thinks he is entitled. Our daughter thinks he’s wonderful and doesn’t seem to mind that he does this. I worry that it may reflect badly on her when they are out with others. Is this acceptable? Do we grin and bear it? Or should we say something and, if so, what do we say?

Montana

Dear Paying: If you bring up the subject, I can almost guarantee that what you say will not be well-received. What your son-in-law is doing is “acceptable” in light of the fact that you say you can afford it. If you couldn’t, I assume those dinner invitations would be few and far between, and you would have had to explain the reason to your daughter.

When they dine out with contemporaries, presumably the bill is split between the couples. If that isn’t the case, it probably wouldn’t happen twice because the other couple would likely request separate checks.

Dear Abby: My best friend is pregnant. Her husband is a jerk who, during her last pregnancy, caused her to miscarry. It happened after he informed her he was filing for divorce and marrying a mailorder bride.

How can I be happy for the person who means the most to me, but will probably lean on me for more support than I want to give?

Blues in Kentucky

Dear B.F.B.: Friends do lean on each other for support, but you can only do what you can do. Frankly, I am surprised that she’s still with the husband who treated her so shabbily. Help her in those areas that you can, but understand that she is responsible for her own choices. If she needs more help than you can give her, encourage her to reach out to a professional.