Giving up seat on subway or bus does have its limits
I’ve long ridden buses and subways to work. In the process, I have made a conscientious effort to make my seat available to an elderly person, a pregnant woman, a person with obvious disabilities or a small child.
At each station, in fact, I look up from my paper or phone; scan those entering the train to assess need; and, if I see only young, healthy people, keep my seat — which, frankly, I enjoy, as I’m often fairly tired and I enjoy the reading time.
My boss told me that when he’s on a bus, he glares at men who are seated whenever women are standing — even young, healthy women. I was embarrassed to admit that he might be glaring at me in those situations.
Have I been incorrect to keep a seat as long as there is any woman standing? I certainly never refuse a seat when anyone asks — as I figure appearances alone do not determine one’s particular comfort or ability — but now I wonder whether I’m deserving of his glare for not insisting that a woman take the seat.
How fierce is his glare? Does it work? Do countless male riders blush and jump to their feet?
At best, this is a questionable technique. And your boss seems to have missed the evolution of the precedence system. We have indeed moved from a strict “ladies first” order to that based on age and need — which, Miss Manners is pleased to note, you have faithfully observed.
She worries that your well-meaning but anachronistic boss will be in for a shock when an equally wellmeaning but up-to-date lady offers him her seat because he is her senior.
I was the only non-family member to co-host a baby shower. I made and presented gifts, made decorations and created parting gifts for partygoers.
The expectant mother, who has previously sent thank-you notes like clockwork, diddn’t acknowledge my participation. I know your stance about gifts being too big a burden to be acknowledged, but where do I stand now? It will be several years before the little one can give thanks on her own. Should I stop the gifts until then?
WHAT? Surely you cannot be attributing to Miss Manners the foul idea that presents are “too big a burden to be acknowledged.” Rather, she believes it should be considered a privilege to express the gratitude that must be rising within anyone fortunate enough to have generous friends.
But perhaps you are referring to her belief that if there is no such expression, the recipient must consider that receiving generosity is more of a burden than a pleasure. In that case, which seems to fit your friend, the considerate thing to do is to cease creating that burden.
What is the proper action to take when one receives a text message meant for someone else? I’ve always just deleted them, but I’ve been told recently that I should reply with a “wrong number” message.
Part of the reason I simply delete them is that I don’t text often enough to warrant an unlimited-text plan, and I would prefer not to use my limited messages for three or four rounds of “No, really, you’ve got the wrong number.”
If replying is the correct action, is a single reply sufficient?
Yes. It is kind to let the stranger know that the message was not received by the correct person. But doing it more than once — particularly at one’s own expense — is certainly not necessary.