Daughter should embrace playing with new children

My young daughter contends that it is rude of children she doesn’t know to try to join her playground games. She likes to play alone, with just one or two close friends, or with me.

I think the young strangers are usually being friendly, but I do recall, from several of your columns, that it is poor manners to attempt to engage a stranger in public.

For this reason, I see precedence for allowing my daughter to coldly dismiss these kids. However, I wonder whether there are rules of the public playground that require more warmth. She knows I read your column and would, I think, be swayed by your words.

How clever of her. However, there is indeed a difference between children and adults in this situation.

Playgrounds are a social meeting ground for children. And while children should not assume that they can automatically join in another’s play, they should be greeted with civility if they ask politely.

If their presence is truly unwelcome, your daughter could say, “I’m so sorry, but I came here to play with a friend who I rarely get to see. Maybe another time we will both be here and we can play together then.”

Miss Manners feels compelled to add that there will likely come a day, whether at the playground or at a social club or mixer, when your daughter herself will want to approach an attractive stranger. Surely then she will likewise want to be treated with kindness.

My daughter lives in California and she is getting married in November. Because our family lives in Indiana, I was thinking of having a virtual bridal shower for her. What is your opinion of virtual showers?

That they are “actual” pleas for presents and money without any of that annoying pretense of enjoying the company of the loved ones who purchased them.

My daughter and I attended the bridal shower for a friend’s future daughter- inlaw. We had absolutely no desire to attend this shower ( for many, many reasons), but we went anyway.

We both conducted ourselves properly and gave lovely gifts.

We were pretty much ignored. One of the “games” was to have the guests address the envelopes to themselves for the thank- you notes. I guess this was so that the bride didn’t have to bother putting much effort into thanking people. Our thank-you notes mentioned the wrong gifts.

Now that my daughter is getting married, this friend is using every lame excuse in the book for not attending the shower. I have always felt that if someone attends your shower, etc., you are pretty much obligated to attend theirs, unless you are now deceased. Am I wrong?

Yes. Why would you want this rude and inconsiderate woman at your daughter’s shower, anyway? And where did you get the idea that death is the benchmark for an excuse not to attend something?

Certainly not from Miss Manners. In fact, she does not require that guests create excuses at all. Just that they politely say, “I am so sorry, but I am unable to attend.”