Friend shouldn’t restrict what guest eats for dinner

I retired after a 40- year career. A friend from work, “Bernie,” is the same age I am ( 62) but is still working.

Six years ago, I had a serious health crisis. Three years ago, Bernie survived a heart attack. Since then, Bernie worries incessantly about dying. He exercises rigorously and eats a strictly vegan diet. I like to spend time with him, but I'm more casual about diet and exercise.

Neither of us is going to be a GQ model, regardless of how much we diet or exercise. I say life should be enjoyed, but Bernie is too busy obsessing about taking medicine and working out.

He recently invited me to dinner. Instead of going to a restaurant, he said he would cook another of his (not-tootasty) vegan meals. I don't want to offend or discourage Bernie, but I dislike his cooking.

What should I do? Would a steak and a baked potato kill him?

Because you enjoy Bernie's company, call him and tell him that you would love to come to supper but that, because you are a carnivore, you will take your own steak and potato with you. Also tell him to fire up the broiler.

My mother died of a heroin overdose when I was 8. As a mother with children of my own, I often find myself getting upset when people say nice things about her — things that would normally make people feel good, such as, “Oh, she would have been so proud of you,” or, “She was such a great woman.”

I feel that if she were such a great woman, she wouldn't have chosen drugs over her (or our) well-being. How can I let go of the anger I feel toward her when everyone else sees her only in a good light?

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother at such a tender age and under such tragic circumstances. Far more is understood about drug addiction nowadays than when you were a child. Addiction, we now know, is often a medical problem, not a character issue.

I seriously doubt that your mother realized, when giving herself her final fix, that it would be her last.

I sympathize with your anger at being cheated out of her presence in your life, but your own quality of life would improve if you could accept that she was a human being and fallible.

A licensed mentalhealth professional can help you work through your anger, and I hope you talk to one soon.

— Paunchy but Happy in Kentucky

Dear Paunchy: — Mixed Feelings About Mom Dear Mixed Feelings: