Son’s pattern of hoarding requires professional help

My 36-yearold son lives with me, which benefits both of us. I am retired and his income helps. The problem I’m having is he hoards garbage.

There’s garbage on his bed, and it has reached the ceiling in other parts of the room. This has been going on for years.

Two years ago, I filled up two large garbage bags to throw out. It didn’t even make a dent. When he got home, he was furious and deducted $50 from the rent because he felt I needed to have consequences for what I did. I realized then how serious this is. I know it’s a health hazard as well as a fire hazard.

I’m at my wits’ end. I understand this has to do with loss, and he has had many, including a dad who left when I was pregnant. There has been no contact during his lifetime. Please help.

Your son is suffering from a mental disorder. There is help for it — he is willing to acknowledge that he needs it.

A licensed mentalhealth professional could help him understand why he is hoarding and motivate him to change the habits that have led to it. There are also medications that can lessen his compulsion to hoard.

However, it won’t happen unless you finally put your foot down and inform your son that what he’s doing is a health and safety hazard, and a risk you will no longer tolerate. Tell him that unless he gets help, he will no longer be able to live under your roof.

I am a 68-year-old male, married, with many friends and acquaintances. My best friend (“Brent”) has a long-time girlfriend (“Judy”) we are with all the time. There is also another couple (“Tom” and “Sue”) we like very much.

The six of us have gone out and had what I thought was a good time, but when I proposed another gettogether, Judy said she felt Sue was unfriendly to her. I have never experienced this with Sue, and I didn’t observe anything like that when we were all together, but I suppose I could be oblivious.

My problem is, there are times it’s awkward to not invite Tom and Sue (as well as the fact I have fun with them and would like them there). Is there something I can do to change this situation?

— Son’s a Hoarder Dear Son’s a Hoarder:

Do not get into a squabble between the two women. If Judy prefers not to socialize with Sue, she may not accept an invitation if she knows Sue will be present, which is her privilege. Because you like both couples, see them separately until this blows over — if it ever does. If you are asked why the dynamic has changed, tell Brent the truth about what Judy told you so he won’t think it has anything to do with him.

— Awkward in the East Dear Awkward: