Announcement of marriage should be sent after vows
How do I announce my second wedding, which will be a tropical destination wedding for two only?
Most of our immediate friends and family know of our recent decision. We made this choice after months of debate over who we could and could not invite.
The list of invitees was always greater than our budget could afford, and we were also set on taking a honeymoon that neither of us had in our first attempts at marriage.
Finally, landing on a destination wedding seems to make things right by us, yet I need to make sure I don't exclude all who have shown us love and support over the years and throughout our journey of love and life shared together.
Additionally, many have expressed an interest in making contributions toward our destination wedding, which they can do online. How do I include such a reference in an announcement, when it will simply be an announcement and not an invitation?
I don't want to appear needy and/or inappropriate, but I also don't want to disregard the wishes of those who've expressed such.
A short vocabulary review is in order.
A destination wedding is one in which the guests are invited to a location that is chosen for its charms to the couple, rather than for any association with them or their families. If no guests are invited, it is called an elopement.
A wedding announcement cannot be confused with an invitation or a savethe-date notice because it is sent after the wedding — its purpose being not to herald an event, but to announce that one has taken place.
Miss Manners hopes that this is helpful because she refuses to assist you in soliciting funds for your trip. People who have expressed the wish to contribute deserve to be thanked individually, which is when you can tell them how to do it.
I had a small dinner party for a group of folks who know each other well. Some people had been to my place before, and others had not.
I announced at the outset that cold beverages were in the refrigerator and that wine and glasses were on the counter. I also conveyed that I hoped that all would consider themselves at home, and to feel free to help themselves to anything that they wanted.
This seemed to surprise some. Was I too forward? Could you just respond with a short answer such as, “You are the host; act like one,” or, “Very welcoming”?
All right: You are the host; act like one.
But Miss Manners is reluctant to leave it at that because, of course, a host should be welcoming. It is just that the warm and wellintentioned directive to “Make yourself at home” is not taken literally by polite guests, nor should it be.
You wouldn't want your friends to rummage in your bedroom drawers as if they were at home. And they do not want to rummage in your refrigerator. Acting like a host requires treating them as welcome guests.
If I got married in 1979 but separated for 10 years in the 1980s, do I celebrate my 38th anniversary this year, or my 28th?
If you were technically married during that time, then 38, if both of you so wish. Clearly, those 10 years were important to the marriage. But Miss Manners recommends that you defer to the number of years that one of you feels most strongly about — lest you lose another 10 in the deliberation.