Showing love for kids vital during divorce
Dear Heloise: I have been a divorce lawyer for about 25 years, and I’ve seen some mistakes people make with their children while going through a divorce. There are four major points I’d like to make to your readers to remember:
■ Let your children know that you may be separating from your spouse, but not from them, no matter who gets custody. Assure them that you love them and that it’s OK for them to enjoy time with the other parent.
■ Do not make children choose which parent they love the most or which parent they will live with or how time will be divided up between parents. Adults make those decisions, not the children.
■ Always remember: They are your children, not your friends. Do not confide in them your problems or grievances. Do not tell them about the things said in the courts or in counseling, and do not tell them how much child support you pay or receive. In other words, keep them out of the divorce.
■ Last point: Do not let your children get manipulative. They might tell you that if their demands are not met, they’ll go live with the other parent or spend all their holidays there. The two of you must become a united front, with neither one allowing the children to have that kind of power.
If one parent says bad grades equals no participation in sports, the other parent must back it up.— Kathrine G., New York, N.Y.
Dear Heloise: Please advise your readers to check their headlights and taillights often to make sure all four are working. It frightens me to see cars coming toward me with only one headlight.
Readers, make sure your backup camera is working as well, and your mirrors are set so you can use them, especially when leaving a car wash. An attendant may have bumped the mirrors.
I’m worried about all the spy cameras I see on the streets, in hospitals, in businesses and just about everywhere these days. Sure, surveillance cameras can be helpful, but they also rob us of our privacy. Then there are the websites that gather our viewing information, which, frankly, is no one’s business. The next thing you know, you’re bombarded by spam from people trying to sell you things.
Surveillance cameras have been a second pair of eyes for the police and often aid in the apprehension of criminals. They may even deter criminals from robbing a store or home. In some cases, drivers reconsider running a red light because they know they are on camera and can receive a ticket by mail. As for websites, delete all your cookies on a daily basis, and that should help, or install a software program that will do it automatically. If you get spam, use the mailblocking feature on your software.