Newlyweds expecting gifts have misguided priorities

My wife and I got married around two months ago. We just finished going through all our cards and gifts, discovering in the process that there are still quite a few people who have not given gifts.

I have heard people convey that the proper window for giving wedding presents is anywhere from six weeks to one year after the wedding. What is the actual correct time frame to expect gifts, and after that time has passed, how do we go about inquiring with these people about the (lack of a) gift?

I do not want to be rude by making our guests think we are waiting for a gift (though we are), but our main concern is that perhaps the gift or card got lost at the venue or in the mail, in which case we and our guests both lose.

I’d like to simply send out a text message to each with something to the effect of, “Hey, please don’t feel pressure to give a gift at all, but we went through our presents and did not find one from you, so we just wanted to make sure it didn’t get lost or misplaced.”

However, I am afraid this will be interpreted as a thinly veiled (and rude) attempt to “remind” the guest that they have not yet given a gift.

In order for it to be thinly veiled, you would have to be putting up a pretense of it not being your true intention. And your brief — and public — track record, as stated here, does not give Miss Manners confidence.

You should not concern yourself with (much less obsess over) whether or not each and every guest has given you a present. Indeed, a year is a reasonable time frame.

But surely you have better things to think about as a newlywed — and plenty of thankyou notes to write for whatever has already safely arrived. Guests who are worried that a present was lost, usually because thanks were not received, should contact you through a relative or friend.

But taking inventory is wholly unbecoming — and not conducive to producing the feelings that lead to sending you presents in the first place.

I’m in a bit of a bind at work. I use my phone regularly throughout the day for personal and professional reasons, and as such, often have a low battery towards the end of the day.

I have taken to bringing a spare charger with me to work so I can continue to work from my phone as needed. My co-workers have caught on to this, and now frequently come and ask me for my charger.

Sometimes they ask while my phone is still charging; sometimes they ask while it is still in my purse. Either way, I feel resentful for sharing. I don’t have a great reason for the feeling, but I am irritated when they ask. I feel as if it is just expected of me to share, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to, as it’s not my fault they didn’t come prepared. How do I handle this situation?

Many hotels, airports and hospitals, Miss Manners has noticed, have felt similar frustration, and solved the problem by providing communal chargers in multiple flavors. Perhaps you could suggest that your office follow suit.

Meanwhile, you can say, with an expression of regret, “I’m afraid I’m going to need it. It’s really a good idea to have one.”