Beyond the workplace, a social problem

Q: Although you usually deal with workplace issues, I’m hoping you can help me with a social problem. I recently decided not to invite a longtime friend to a party because she is a nonstop talker. During our last get-together, she droned on and on while everyone else sat in silence.

Unfortunately, another guest dominated the discussion in exactly the same way.

When I see my quieter friends individually, they always have a lot to say. However, they can’t seem to get a word in edgewise with these chatterboxes. I have observed the same thing in meetings at work. Why do certain people refuse to let anyone else speak?

A: For some, talking is such a strong compulsion that it borders on a psychological disability. Even loving friends and family try to avoid being held hostage by their neverending monologues. Sadly, many of these chronic talkers never recognize the problem because others are too polite to give them much-needed feedback.

Not all chatty people are uncontrollable conversation hogs, however. Some are simply trying to fill the vacuum left by those who are slower to speak up. When a group has members with extreme communication style differences, the silent folks may keep waiting for a chance to speak, while the talkers wonder why they aren’t saying anything.

Since your collection of friends obviously includes both types, one possible solution is to socialize with them separately, combining them with others of their own kind.

At gatherings where everyone is included, forget about social engineering and just let nature take its course. Talkative guests will chat, quiet ones will listen, and those who are unhappy can find new conversational partners. Meanwhile, you can relax and enjoy the party.