Tell family you can’t afford holiday trip

WASHINGTON — Like it or not, this is the season of a higher level of expectation and pressure to visit family.

But what if the trip is too much financially? Or even though you adore your family, you just don’t want to spend the money. How do you tell your relatives this without all the guilt or even condemnation?

Here’s advice if you find yourself in this situation during the holidays.

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You have the right to be vexed. And it’s important to vent so that if you do decide to go, you won’t carry your irritation like an extra piece of baggage. And you certainly don’t want to board an airplane today on edge.

• If I had a dollar for every time my relatives said, "Oh, stop being cheap, you can afford it," I’d have more than enough money for whatever it is they think I am financially able to spend.

It’s no big deal for them to change plans because it’s not their cash or credit on the line. But spend your money the way you want.

If plans were altered and you can’t afford the extra expense, don’t go. If there is a change in plans for the holiday and you weren’t consulted, you have my permission to say, "Oh, I’m so sorry but this change, which will add to my travel expenses, isn’t in my budget." No need to explain any further or defend your decision. It’s your money!

Don’t be embarrassed to say you can’t afford a visit. You might say, "I really wanted to come. It’s just not in my budget. But hopefully, I’ll get to see you guys next year!"

If you’re the relative inclined to say something like, "You know you have the money," I’m going to need you to stop. Don’t even go there, because unless you have access to someone’s bank account information, you haven’t a clue what he or she can afford. Even if it were the case that your relative has the money, don’t go there.

I hate wasting money, too. Still, I have to remember to be thankful that I have family I like spending time around. I love being with them, so I focus on the fun I have when we get together. If you can afford it, being financially flexible builds relationships.

So, go ahead and be irked. I think it’s healthy to exhale some funky feelings. But once you vent, let it go. Don’t even joke about it, because you know family. Somebody is likely to get offended.