Offering gift of airfare will give sister choice
My sister attends school overseas and lives with her boyfriend. My parents recently told me she can’t make it home for the holidays this year because she’s on a student budget.
I’m in a position to pay for my sister and her boyfriend to come and would like to offer that to them, no strings attached.
They might have any number of reasons to say no — other plans, family dynamics, not wanting to accept large gifts — and that’s fine if they do. I just want to offer in case money is the only sticking point.
The thing is, I’m afraid of ruffling feathers. My sister’s been historically sensitive to measures of success between us, and I’d hate to have her feel like I’m flaunting wealth while she’s strapped, and I’m afraid my parents would be embarrassed if I paid and they didn’t offer.
Do you have any suggestions on how to make this offer without people getting upset? — Helping Unless she’d find that upsetting, too, offer to go visit her for the holidays.
And tell your parents you’re doing it, in case they want to join in.
That way, you’re using your money only on you, which is so much easier on everyone’s feathers.
If for any reason it’s not what your sister or parents want, then they can simply decline your offer. (Yes, simply.)
As a side benefit, the offer also serves as an invitation for your parents to make other suggestions — including to fly your sister and her boyfriend home.
If your going there (or even flying her to you at this point) isn’t feasible, then offer instead to visit her at a better time in the near future. That makes it clear being together is the thing, and you’re willing to devote your time and energy to that.
What is your opinion on sexless marriage ... is it possible? Marriage is a lot more than just sex — it’s about a melting together of families and building a life together — but my husband’s absolute non-interest in intimacy is not changing, and I wonder whether I’m greedy to think I need that? — Married Whether it’s “possible” is the wrong question.
The right one is whether you’re willing to remain in your sexless marriage. You have to decide whether its benefits are worth staying for, or its deficits are worth leaving for — by your standards only, not by anyone else’s.
Stay or go, your actions affect the course of your husband’s life, too.
Admit to him that you’re at a crossroads and why. See whether your partnership can meet the challenge.