Molested sister should tell story to estranged family

I’m estranged from my sister, whom I love dearly.

The situation dates back many years. When I was 13, her husband got me drunk and molested me.

Although I never forgot the incident, I did repress it — possibly because of my age.

As time passed, I thought I’d moved on and that life would continue as usual. Five years ago, however, the trauma erupted within me. My therapist thinks the trigger might have been the fact that I became a grandmother.

I cannot talk to my sister's husband, let alone look at him. Exposing him would devastate my sister, her family and our extended family.

I am praying for guidance and the strength to forgive him, but it's not working — nor is therapy.

I am now regarded as the “bad guy” and, along with my husband, am left isolated. My own children are skeptical and think I’m destroying our family.

Advice, Abby?

Because keeping quiet and talking to a therapist haven't helped you, I will suggest another route for healing: Call your family together, tell them exactly what happened when you were 13 and explain that you can no longer keep quiet about it.

At the same time, contact a rape-crisis center because, even if you were drunk and consented to what your brother-in-law did, you were 13 and a victim of statutory rape.

If your family accuses you of making this up, invite them to some of your counseling sessions with the rape counselor. With the help of that person, you might be able to help them see the light.

I was a professional musician most of my life and loved every second of it.

I own several instruments — my most-prized possessions — and have many precious memories associated with them.

The instruments are worth several thousand dollars. I cannot think of anyone to leave them to who might appreciate them. None of my heirs is musical, and I'm estranged from my only child. If he inherited them, he would sell them and squander the money.

I want the instruments to go where they will be played well and appreciated.

How about donating your instruments to a program that keeps music alive in schools with underfunded music programs nationwide?

An organization to consider is the Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation (mhopus.org). It gives economically disadvantaged youths access to the benefits of music education and helps them express their emotions and creativity through music.

— So — Quarter Note Quandary in California Dear Q.N.Q.: