No explanation is required in social-media unfriending

Iguess I did a novel thing: I decided my friends on social media should be my actual friends.

So I unfriended that guy from high school that I don't even remember sharing a class with; the woman I was barely acquainted with when I worked at that one company I left 20 years ago; the local real-estate agent who sold a house to me 17 years ago, etc. Basically, I'm only friends with people I know and would enjoy having a cup of coffee with now.

Well, I ran into the real-estate agent at the hardware store yesterday, and the first thing she said to me was, “I don't see you online anymore — did you unfriend me!?”

And I stammered that I didn't think so, and then changed the subject. Later, when I was home, I saw that she was trying to friend me again, which, so far, I'm ignoring. She's perfectly pleasant and I'm happy to make small talk the next time I run into her, but when that happens and she asks again about “unfriending,” what do I say?

That is the problem with public declarations of acquaintanceship disguised as friendship.

Miss Manners suggests that you say, “I am afraid that my social media use was getting out of control ...” and not finish that sentence, leaving it up to the listener to infer whether you discontinued it altogether or only in regard to them.

I have signed up (and paid for) a 90-day nutritional program at my gym. The coach has given each of us specific calorie goals and nutrition guidelines.

My husband and I enjoy going out for dinner after work, oftentimes with friends, and I anticipate that I will be ordering offmenu when we go out, likely asking our servers many questions.

I am inquiring about the best way to be “that person” while not being rude or overly demanding. I would like to stay true to the promises I have made to my coach and myself, but I would also like to have a nice meal with my friends when we go out, without being left with, “I'll have plain grilled chicken, steamed broccoli and water, please.”

Call the restaurant first, or look up the menu online. When you make the reservation, ask if they would be willing to take any special requests in advance.

Miss Manners feels certain that any reasonably accommodating restaurant will be just as eager and relieved as your fellow guests not to have to go through a lengthy list of ingredients and swapouts during a busy mealtime.

A close relative is dying and plans to leave each of my children a five-figure dollar inheritance. I have not told any of the children.

Should I tell them and urge them to write a thank-you note to the relative before she passes away, or should I just wait? I thanked her, of course, when she told me of her intentions.

Your desire to issue a thankyou note before it is too late is laudable, but expressing gratitude for future gifts is tricky — particularly when doing so may imply ambivalence about the necessary prerequisite.

You were right to thank your relative yourself, and although Miss Manners does not object to your telling your children about the inheritance, she urges you to encourage them to continue the love and attention they devote to the relative — punctuated by the reality that the time in which to do so is limited.