Friend uneasy in vintage car should make own travel plans

Recently a friend came over and took me to lunch. She has a small car that was very popular in the 1960s.

As she drove us to the restaurant, her vintage car stalled twice. It was very underpowered and, in my opinion, rickety. After she took me home, I sent her an email strongly expressing my concern that she is driving an unsafe car. I was worried for her safety. She took offense, so I apologized.

She has plenty of money to buy a safe used car like anyone else, but she says, “I like driving vintage.” I don’t want to get into her car again. Was I wrong to tell her I felt her car was unsafe?

You weren’t wrong to warn her. However, you may have been wrong to assume that she has “plenty of money to buy a safe used car.” Nobody has as much money as others assume they do. Because you don’t want to get into her car again, you should provide the transportation from now on or meet her at the restaurant.

My neighbor and I have become friendly. She has a 15-month-old and a newborn. Not only is she not married to the baby’s daddy, but they also don’t live together.

She has been asking me to help her a lot now that the baby is born. I’m 10 years older and raising three kids, all in their teens.

Abby, I don’t want to raise anyone else’s kids. How can I politely tell her that I have my own family to care for? She has a tendency to overreact. To tell your neighbor you “don’t want to raise anyone else’s kids” may be accurate, but it’s a bit rough. When she asks you to do things for her, be pleasant and say that you are busy, you don’t have time, you have other plans, etc. If you do, she will soon realize that you are not to be depended upon.

My son has lived overseas on and off for six years. He’s going to be married to a wonderful young woman where they met, which was in Wales. Needless to say, not everyone can attend, so we are having a reception for them here in the States.

My son already has a fully furnished house overseas and doesn’t need anything. He is thinking of asking for monetary help with the honeymoon. Would this be all right to do and, if so, how do you ask people for it?

Many young people today post such requests on their wedding website. Or, because friends and relatives may ask what they need after receiving invitations or announcements, the message can be conveyed verbally. According to the rules of etiquette, however, requests for gifts or money should never be included with the invitations.