Couple may have overstated voluntary aspect of wedding

I am getting married soon and I’ve never felt more abandoned.

My fiance and I have talked extensively about our views on weddings, and we agree that we want to make it fun for everyone.

We also don’t want it to be a burden financially for anyone just because we’re happy and getting married.

When I asked my chosen ladies to be bridesmaids, I did so with the caveat of “Really, only if you want to. It would mean a lot to have you there, but I understand not everyone enjoys being a bridesmaid; if you feel like it would be a burden, I understand.” Three of the five I asked politely declined, including my sister, whom I had asked to be my maid of honor.

Last weekend was my bachelorette party, and — in keeping with our belief that it shouldn’t be a burden — I planned and paid for the whole thing. And one person came. We couldn’t even play some of the bachelorette games because they were for threeplus players.

It was one of the saddest weekends of my life.

I understand that we’re all just living our lives and sometimes things come up, but I cannot shake this feeling of being completely abandoned and uncared-for. I feel a little angry, but mostly hurt, and any advice you can give me on getting past it would be much appreciated.

Is it possible that you made all of this sound so unappealing that your friends and family had no choice but to decline? Or that they thought you were asking for form’s sake, but hoping they would not take you up on these apologetic invitations?

Miss Manners appreciates your motives, but can understand how they could be misinterpreted.

Rather than apologize for what you seem to have billed as a waste of time and money, you could have focused your attention on ways to avoid wasting their time or money. (It seems you did so for the bachelorette party, but it might have been too late.)

Now Miss Manners urges you to ignore your feelings of resentment and perhaps even approach your sister and friends again, telling them that although they need not have an official title in the wedding, you will feel honored just to have them there. This might put them back in the festive spirit and make them more inclined to participate, knowing that it is voluntary.

Is it rude or bad manners to have your feet on furniture in public? Examples: on chairs in medical waiting rooms, on planes, etc.?

Yes. Rude, bad manners and just plain icky.

My husband and I both have successful careers, yet his parents continue to treat us like the poor relations.

We invited them over for a casual meal of hamburgers and salad on the porch, and when they walked in the door, his mother handed my husband $10 and told him it was to offset the cost of the meal.

My husband and I looked at each other, flabbergasted. Neither of us knew how to respond. I was horrified, but I think he thanked her and told her she was being silly.

Is there a proper response to this behavior next time?

“Thank you. I will be sure to tip the chef.”