Party hosts should reassess plans for having formal ball
My husband and I would like to hold a formal ball, with no particular occasion attached. How should the invitation be worded? If the ladies are to wear ballgowns, must the gentlemen wear black tie? None of the guests likely owns a tuxedo, and renting one is a financial burden we would like to avoid putting on them. Finally, we are providing on-site childcare, but I presume that note should not go on a formal invitation. So how do we tell them?
A formal invitation should be worded thus: Mr. and Mrs. Love To Entertain Request the Honor of your company at Time at Venue The bottom left corner of the invitation should state “RSVP” or “The favor of a reply is requested,” with “Black tie” on the right.
As unfair as it may be, “Black tie” (if not the more rare “White tie” with ball dresses) is the proper term for what you describe, both for male and female. However, this onesidedness does not seem to be confined to the term. Why, in your scenario, is only the male financial burden being considered? Are the female guests (presumably some of them related to the male ones, and in the same financial situation) more likely to have ballgowns lying around?
For the sake of gender equality (and proper etiquette), you must make a decision. Either formal attire for all, or instead, make it a cocktail party where men wear suits and ladies wear knee-length dresses. In that case, “Business attire” would be the proper wording. (“Cocktail attire” is a made-up term.)
As for the childcare, a slip of paper with the information can be tucked into the invitation for guests who have children — or any who are planning on acting like them.
My husband and I live in a very small one-bedroom apartment. We rarely entertain because of our space limitations. However, we have a dear friend who lives several hours away and comes to visit us a few times a year, generally for a day or two.
His last visit occurred during the week, while I worked. I often work from home, and my desk is in the living room, where he slept. The evening he arrived, we informed him that we did have to work the next day, and that I would be up early.
When I got up, he was still asleep, and did not rise until almost noon! That meant I had to work in the dark (the blinds above where he was sleeping were closed) with only my computer screen for light for about four hours. A few times he stirred, even at one point saying hello, but then went back to sleep.
Normally, I would gather my things and go to a local coffee shop to avoid the situation, but I had recently had surgery and would not have been able to haul everything I needed without violating my post-surgery weightlifting restrictions.
When do the needs of the host outweigh the comfort of the guest? Or does the guest’s comfort come first?
Having been duly warned that you needed to work the next day, your guest should have taken pains to wake up early. Since he did not, Miss Manners finds you within your jurisdiction to announce, at the slightest stirring (or not), ‘’Oh, are you up? Sorry, I am afraid that I have to turn on the light and get some work done.”