Generalizing doesn’t work in pretty-ugly discussion
Why are all nice girls ugly and all the pretty girls not nice? Someone once explained to me that pretty girls get so much attention because of the way they look that they never needed to be friendly, while the ugly girls know the only way they’ll get attention is to be charming. I hate buying into these kinds of generalities. But I must say, as a 20-something on the front lines of the dating war, there seems to be a certain truth in it.
So, being female, I’m either ugly on the inside or ugly on the outside. Same to you, cowboy. Your theory, at least, is both untrue and ugly throughout. Does attention come more easily to people who are born beautiful, and does that stunt their character growth? You could argue that. But if there’s a generalization to be made (and then insincerely lamented), maybe it’s that pretty women will develop defenses against relentless attention from guys who judge them solely on looks.
If you want genuine kindness, then show genuine kindness. Otherwise, don’t complain when you go out and get what you get.
Three weeks into dating a guy, how do you know whehter he is after a relationship or just some bedroom fun?
Oh, oh, I know this one! Decline to be a source of bedroom fun until you’re confident he wants a relationship. If that’s what you want from him.
Sound like your granny? Maybe. But only if your granny believed in making choices based on immutable human law instead of fungible social mores.
If you want to be treated a certain way, which approach makes more sense: insisting on it and then backing that up with your actions, or putting it entirely in someone else’s hands and hoping fretfully for the best?
How do you know if someone has “changed”? My boyfriend used to belong to a naked hippie co-op and now he’s an “I (heart) globalization!” MBA student. I don’t mean to generalize, and it’s not as pat as saying his politics are different. But there are other manifestations — less consideration to “old” friends and to me, less caring about issues (feminism, environment).
He doesn’t think he’s changed. He says I should be more understanding.
I’d say he’s changed ... not at all.
Our choices may define us, but that doesn’t mean you can know someone by parsing each little choice. I see a guy caught up in getting caught up. When the MBA fury fades, expect some other extreme will be next. Look past the surface traits and see who he is at his core, and then ask whether you’re really in love.
— Washington — D.C. — California