Both sides responsible for mending friendship

be hurtful rather than constructive.

Since the confrontation, this person has occasionally reached out with invitations to activities, But I feel that the friendship is over. It would take a lot of effort to rebuild. Is there value in even trying? I wish I could shrug it off, but the wound is still deep.

It sounds as if you haven’t even talked with your friend about your new insights on the situation. When you haven’t yet exercised the power of your truth, you still have many possible outcomes — and you’re at the very bottom rung of the effort ladder.

She’s still inviting you to things one-onone, so all you need to do now is accept, meet up and say what you feel. Such as: “You were right that I had become unbearably negative. I still feel bad for that.

“With time to reflect, I also feel hurt and angry that you lashed out and didn’t just talk to me. I had to ask what was wrong for you to tell me.

“Also upon reflection, I see I didn’t talk to you right away, either: I noticed your irritation with me for months before I finally brought it up” — as you note in your letter.

“So I wonder what you think about this, and how we can be better to each other — and maybe why we didn’t communicate more kindly, more honestly, and sooner.”

The first step in testing this friendship’s viability is for you to make it clear that whatever you ask of her, you ask the same of yourself and more.

That’s the first piece of the answer to whether this friendship can be saved. The next piece is hers: whether she’s able to bring this same humility to her interactions with you, and apologize for her part. Then you find out whether these pieces fit.