Paying for dog’s care one way to make amends

the dog but she is a bit much.

Your daughter did you a favor worth more than a partially-paidfor sterilization that was your responsibility to begin with. So your sense of obligation is appropriately placed.

Paying, or at least splitting, the cost for her to board dog at a reputable kennel while she travels would take care of that obligation nicely. If money is an issue or if this seems too openended, then settle on a fair limit per month that she can put toward the dog’s expenses.

Since obedience training is a significant element of dog behavior, it sounds as if you’d all benefit — you, husband, daughter, Dog 1, Dog 2 — if Ms. Busy spent this July week at canine charm school. I think you’ll find this service to be one of the great bargains of your lifetime. The release from guilt alone is worth it.

But that’s a side benefit. “Busy” in dogs tends to mean “anxious,” and “anxious” means “unhappy.” Many dog owners don’t realize it’s not just about sit-stay, but about learning to speak Dog. Some good training for the dog followed by some basic training for the owner can turn a miserable dog into a contented one and the chore of caring for her into (mostly) a privilege.

As for how you convey all of this to your daughter, present it as is: You’re in her debt but also just as far in over your heads with this dog as you were before. Arguably more so with the new puppy. So, dog-sitting is out — for now — but you’ll pay for kennels and charm school.

You can’t curate the way someone will respond to your decisions; your daughter could be hurt or angry no matter what. You can only take responsibility for your own actions and respond to others in good faith.