The Columbus Dispatch

Simple gratitude enough for friend’s generosity

- Write to Miss Manners — who sometimes responds with help from daughter Jacobina Martin or son Nicholas Ivor Martin — at www. missmanner­s.com.

friend’s death imminent? Or is she merely steeling you for the inevitable?

It seems to Miss Manners that you have indicated the latter — and that you need not work yourself up quite so intensely, quite so soon. With any luck, it will be a long journey — and yours is a difficult momentum to keep up.

However, since you are so moved, you may certainly write a letter telling your friend how much she means to you, and that while you do not like to think about losing her, her announceme­nt has touched you deeply.

And then let it go. Surely, neither one of you wants to spend the duration of your relationsh­ip fretting about its demise.

A co-worker from another country visited our location in the United States for several weeks. When he first came here, his command of English was somewhat limited. His English improved significan­tly during his stay.

On his last day, when he came by my office to say goodbye, I found myself tempted to mention how much his English usage had improved. I bit my tongue, since I’d heard that it’s not proper to make personal observatio­ns of this type, even though it’s compliment­ary. Was this the right thing to do?

Personal comments, even compliment­ary ones, on someone’s body or hygienic habits are not proper in the workplace.

But observatio­ns and compliment­s on personal achievemen­ts are — especially, Miss Manners cautions, when they directly relate to the job being done. Just be sure that they are not prefaced by pointing out how terrible the person was at that skill in the first place.

How should I respond to co-workers who wear earbuds?

I start talking to them without realizing they have these gadgets plugged into their ears. They miss half of what I am saying, and then I have to repeat myself.

These co-workers should convey a signal (pointing to their ears, half-embarrasse­d, half-apologetic) so that unsuspecti­ng conversati­onalists are forewarned.

In lieu of that, Miss Manners suggests that you make up your own system of sign language as you approach them so that you don’t have to repeat yourself.

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