Woman should appreciate therapy as part of life

addition to treatment, I hope you will seek refuge in affirmations of life — nature, art, humor, kindness. They’re always there when we need them; sometimes we just have to look.

Dear Carolyn: What does a person do if, after 30 years of marriage, they aren’t the most important item in their spouse’s life? The kids are now grown and gone, but his career is still his No. 1 and his parents are No. 2. Is it too late to move on?

The concept of “too late” doesn’t make any more sense to me than “too old” does. This is the only life you have regardless of how much you have left.

Same for your husband, your husband’s parents, your husband’s job. They could be gone tomorrow or hang around to torment you for decades.

You can only weigh your options, choose the certainties you like best, then leap into the uncertainty of everything else.

Would you rather be on your own than stick around as your husband’s No. 3 priority? Can you afford to be on your own? Will leaving your marriage cost you your kids’ loyalty? Will unintended consequences cost you more than you’d gain by leaving?

It might make more sense right now to reset your priorities. Your husband seems to be all about his work and his parents and then he comes home to you. You can likewise set priorities and then come home to him.

Have you already lived a version of this without realizing it: Before your kids were grown and gone, isn’t it possible they were your Nos. 1 and 2?

Before you decide the future of your marriage, perhaps it makes sense to think about your future, period. Any decision you make after a thought process like this will be better than simply resigning yourself to slog through the rest of your days.